Bagism: Library

In Our Own Write - Chapter 4

In Our Own Write is an interactive story YOU create. But don't worry, you won't have to write the whole thing yourself. You can can contribute as much or as little as you'd like. The idea is to build on whatever was written before, a little at a time. The specifics of the story is completely up to you, but the main theme should have something to do with John Lennon.

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The Beatles finally agreed to record "The Long and Winding Blender." But first they wanted some advice. John decided to ask the gloomy old donkey who was standing next to the kangaroo. "If you ask me... when a song title sounds like that... it's time to find another one." The gloomy donkey slowly wandered away. "That was most peculiar," said John. "Indeed it was!" agreed Paul. Suddenly, Ringo spoke up. "All right, guys! What are we going to do now? I'm getting bored!"

They all put their heads together and immediatley yelled in pain. They had bumped their heads together in the process. Holding on to their heads, they decided to record a song. "Which one?" asked Ringo. "I don't know," retorted George, exasperated. They all went back to their apartment, tripping over Yoko on the way, and went through their songs. "Aha!" cried John. " What?!" exclaimed the other three Beatles. It was... (onto you dadio) "The blue meanies!!! They're going to attack!" yelled John. "They're all around us . . .!!! cried Paul, sporatically. Ringo started singing, oh-so-heroically -- "one, two, three, four . . . can I have a little more? . . . . . ." and so the rest joined in, and the blue meanies ran away.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The next day, George mowed his room, Paul played his organ, John was reading his book, and Ringo was buying a sandwich. Then George shouted intensely,"THIS IS DEAD GROTTEY!!! Let's make a . . . bloody song!!!!" So John, being his creative self, wrote down the phrases to the song: HOW MANY SPECIAL PEOPLE CHANGE? HOW MANY LIVES LIVE A STRANGE? . . . WHERE WERE YOU WHEN WE WERE GETTING HIGH? Then Paul screamed,"That's DAFF! Think of something BLOODY BETTER!! Better!!Better" John replied,"It'll get better sometime!" and then Ringo spoke,"Don't worry!It's getting better all the time!!" with a laugh. George quietly sat, eating his jelly bellies. Paul inspired, screamed, "IT'S GETTING BETTER ALL THE TIME!!!. . . fab gear!!!!!" .......and twas their morning. . ... . . . .. .......later that evening. . . . . Sipping on tea, John gags (you do the math!!) (this was done by the famous FAITH LENNON)

okay, they were sipping tea, when there was a big knock on the door... "Somebody's knocking on my door, someone's ringing a bell." Paul said over the banging. John just looked up and grunted while Ringo and George gave each other startled looks. The knocking just keept a going. After five minutes, "Would sombody bloody open that Door!" yelled John as he pushed up his specs up his cute nose. The three looked at him to say something, but he was already back into deep concentration on reading "Alice In Wonderland." Annoyed himself, Paul got up slowly as if the door would become a bad thing to open. George gazed wearily as Ringo held up a drumstick like a bat. John read. The door was slowly opened by Paul. A piercing scream rang through the air while Paul ducked. John curiously looked up and Ringo hid under the bed with only his head under as his legs stuck out. Unfazed, John got up to take a gander to why paul was screaming like a girl and hiding. The door still ajar, John looked outside. His eyes grew huge with fear for this was the most frightening sight he has every seen with his speced eyes. It was soo horrible that he couldn't run. He couldn't ever speak or scream. "Run Johnny!" Ring exclaimed, but he stood frozen for a frightening moment as the cause for fear approached this cute guy. It was... It was.... A tickle me Elmo. ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

and John tells the other 3 guys to run...."Paul, George, Ringo,....RUN FOR YOUR LIFE...hey guys why don't we make it sounds great..yeah.." Paul also agrees very much..and he asked about it to the, no's Lovely Rita. The next morning Paul drives his car at 5 o'clock...He sees a glimpse of Rita...and BANG,BANG..he didn't notice that the light has changed...while he was dying..John came by and asked..why don't we make a joke about it..we'll say you die...Paul sez..I AM DYING...John sez Yes I meant so..Lets make the fan really confused ..including the fan who's writing this paragraph

Oh John, Alice remarked, If only we had never met. I was in love with you and after I died I could feel your pain and inner torment. Nobody knew about AIDS back then and nobody knew of bad blood transfusions, but i am sorry I died on you and was unable to help you through the bad times. We were a good couple, weren't we, even if you had to hide me from the public. I'm glad that you are here with me now.

"Whatever," muttered John as he finished reading the last of his fan letters for the week. "They keep getting more unusual all the time, don't they?" said Paul. John nodded in agreement as he adjusted his glasses. Just then, Ringo entered the room, proudly announcing that he had baked a delicious dish of lasagna. So the Beatles enjoyed a good meal. Suddenly, George began to look pale. "I don't feel so good!" he moaned. Paul immediately moved back a few feet in case George was sick. Always knowing exactly what to do, John cheerfully announced, "Don't worry, George! We'll go visit Dr. Robert again! He'll make you feel fine!" "But I don't want to go see Dr. Robert! I think I'll just take a nap instead," said George. "Sorry! You have no choice!" said Ringo as the three began to drag George to the front door...

"um... i'm still DYING here..." said Paul, interupting the little love scene... "oh yeah!" said john "so what i was thinking was what if we put all kinds of clues and backwards messages all over the place? Wouldn't that be cool?" "yeah, just great, by the way did I tell you I'M GOING TO DIE!??!!?" poor Paul croaked out "oh right! I'll call the hopitsal." said John and he ran off to call an ambulance. *sigh* sighed Paul as he lay on the sidewalk. Ringo was out for his daily stroll and came across Paul... "Hi Paul!" said Ringo. "Hey Ring." said Paul... "Whatcha doin' on the ground, there Paul?" asked Ringo "just dying." said Paul. "oh." said Ringo, and he continued on with his walk. Eventually, Paul heard sirens in the distance.......

It turned out to be the karma police. Apparently, Paul had been a nasty abusive father, and the sent him straight to hell. Paul rotted there, and was replaced with a Fake Paul, who was identical, except for a scar above his lip, which he hid with a moustache. This Paul was extremely nice, except for one small nagging thing...He was racist. And when he saw John with Yoko, he blew his top off...

One day when Paul went to visit John he saw Yoko and ran. John was nice about it though and calmed Paul down enough to make paul realise that all you need is love and hate is not the answer. Paul immedietly ran to yoko and gave her a hug and appologised with great sympathy. John was so happy to have know that he stopped some hate in the world that he wanted to help EVERYONE. He ran outside and kissed everyone and gave out all the money he had in his pocket to the local homless people.

And then there he was. Sgt. Piltcher finally got tired and fell of the Efil Tower and splattered himself all over the great street with a thump. The autopsy revieled that he had a lack of charector and had a cronic disability called "Spent to much time screwing with big rock stars and getting too many people to want be dead disease." And so he was dead, and went with him all the crack, heroin, and other drugs he kept for himself to get high on. Around the world a cry of joy came ringing through the turmoil and war, and there was peace for the rest of time. And the Beatles of course remained to be the best group of guys on the planet who made the best music ever to be heard by the human ear.Thank You.(Jeff)

When the story didn't end there John and Paul and George and Ringo and whoever decided to justget on a bus (brings back old memories when they couldn't drive and were always broke) So thisbus ride wasn't the greatest a bus ride could be. The onlyhting great about it was that all their old friends and lovers of the past were there. But, hell in 1997 who wants to see THEM. There was Brian Epstien and Stu Sutcliffe, and John and Paul's mothers, whoever had x-wives or whatever they were there too. The Beatles made themselves real comfortable between a couple of the dead bodies as the stench of that made their noses bleed, avoiding the X-wives or whatever.

Then suddenly, the real Paul, (for he was replaced a few paragraphs back) jumps down from a roof top and throws the fake one of the bus. You see, whoever was in charge down there figured out that Paul really didn't belong down there, so they sent him back. The rest of the Beatles were surprized, but since he'd been away, they gave him a Honey Pie.

the beatles soon grew sick of the bus that they happened to be on at the time, so as quick as you can say saffoy truffle they were off and running. by this time each individual beatle was hungry except for paul, for his hunger had been subsided with the honey pie previously awarded to him. george (who had long ago emerged from the forrest corner) secretly pulled john and ringo aside and suggested that they devise a plan to steal the last slice of paul's pie. however, ringo was against this idea because he felt terrible about leaving paul to starve in his ring a while back. but they were still hungry.........

well, ringo decided to run around in circles because he was chasing the tail he suddenly grew. as paul was getting ready to eat his pie, he decided ringo's new tail looked yummy. as a result, paul sprang up and started panting like a doggie. poor ringo was still running around in circles. john happened to notice this weird spectical. after ringo realized he was acting like paul, (te-he-he) he stopped. then, he said "there's more hear thank meets the eye" george said"ho-ho-ho!" he thought it was funny that it took him that long to realize he mate was acting like a monkey. john then said "send back that stupid ring that bird lady sent you." ringo was hurt, he did everything with his beloved ring! well, paul the weirdo, john, and gearge, were still hungry! they spotted ringo's new tail again. paul started foaming at the mouth and john started picking his nose. george on the other hand, started growing this long, gray beard! they were in the same of time, and never noticed it. they got there because this whole story is yoko's dream, or is it....

and since its Yoko's dream..the dead ones were Paul, George, and Ringo....Paul died by a terrific shot by Yoko, George by Yoko's knife, and Ringo by her lousy voice...She was singing kumbaya then....John and Yoko lives happily after..without any racist tune by the other three..but damn..In 1980, John was killed by David Chapman..and to know the truth ..a father of a guy named Nool Galligoon or what ever, hired Chapman for killing his son, Nool, could replace John in leading the world's music..but still no use..No one named Nool Galigoon or even Liong Galligonn could at least equal John.

AND THAT WAS THE END...OR WAS IT? No, because a good 15 years later, someone thought 'ANTHOLOGY'! The world, in turn, cringed.

actually, the world did NOT cringe, and it was only in yoko's dream that the other three were dead, and yoko would never dream such thoughts anyhow.

Why did john have to die. Nobody wanted him to die. I wish he was still alive because he is and always will be the best beatle. If you agree please right to what I am saying. I was only 1 when got killed but I knew what was going on. I think he got killed because people think he is the one that broke up the group. I wish that the beatles would have never broke up in the first place but I guess things happen. I know that they are back together, but it is not the same without johny. He is the truly the master.

"Thanks for your comments! Won't you visit the Bagism web board soon? All my friends are there, and I'm there too!" said John. Just then, Paul burst into the room. "C'mon guys! What's going on here? What happened to our story?" George responded as he finished eating a chocolate pie. "Perhaps they've grown tired of us, Paul. We haven't had any exciting adventures for days!" Ringo nodded in agreement. John (who had a keen mind) suddenly stood up and looked directly at all the people who visit this site. "All right, everyone! We all love a good story, but I can't do it for you! If you want us to do anything, YOU write it!" Paul added by saying, "The Beatles are here, at your service! Take us on a wonderful aventure!" So all the Beatles sat in silence, waiting for the action of the story to pick up again...

So, Tara ILOVEJOHN picked up her pen (keyboard actually) and started to write (er, type)....... The Beatles were all in Strawberry Fields (nothing is real) and decided to give a concert to everyone in their tree (I mean it must be high or low). "It's getting hard to be someone" Ringo said between songs. "But it all works out" John said enthusiastically. George piped in "It doesn't matter much to me." All of a sudden, John fell out of his tree!!!!! "Help!" he cried. The other Beatles jumped down and.....

Then Bungalow bill popped up his mom and elephant were there.They shoved Paul in a sumbmarine that went back in the USSR.Then some beatle fans asked George if he liked jellybabies."No, said George" "However, currybabies are bloody better!" "WEll cry baby cry said"replied John.All of this talk about food made george have an enourmous cravings for a Savoy Truffle. Meanwhile John was eating wild honey pie.Paul wanted a honey pie but there were none back in the USSR.Since paul was nowhere to be seen John thought he was dead.

But, see, Paul wasn't dead! He was only in a very large Hole. Our Boy, John, saw this big old hole and shouted into it. "Allo?" John shouted. "Allo!" Paul cried back. "Are ya stook in a hole?" "Yah, I am!" John stood in the grass and thought thoughtful thoughts for a moment. "Are ya still stook?" "Yah!" "Hmmm." John looked down at the rope that was convienently in his hand. "Ya remember how ya wrote that song Woman, it was a dumb song, after I wrote my Woman?" "Yah!" "It was stoopid." "Yah?" "Yah!"

And see, then John reached into the Very Deep Hole and grabbed Paul's hand and pulled him out. Isn't this symbolic? Without good old John Paul would have been bored until he found a way out of the hole. Then Paul and John went to find George and Ringo. Maybe they would go get a sandwich.

And you know what else? Paul fixed that hole. Well, no, he is currently in the process of fixing it. He is Fixing A Hole where the rain gets in, and stops his mind from wandering.

Ringo came over, and said "Paul, why are you fixing a hole?" Ringo picked up the hole. "You'd never know when a hole will come in handy." Paul then started shouting, "I'VE GOT A FEELING, A FEELING DEEP INSIDE, OH NO!" "What are you on about Paul?" Ringo asked. Paul said "We're going to break up!" And with that, Paul left the beatles.

but then John lennon dragd paul on a plane and they went to seattle.

Did you know that that plane didn't have any parachutes? Hee hee hee... John opened the cargo door. Paul looked way outside into the sky in curiosity....."Ay John, what's that?" and John said "it's the ground. Take a closer look." As Paul looked way out, John placed his hand on Paul's back..... But he didn't push him. Something told him that this was his friend, he couldn't ever push him out of a plane! He might be able to smother him in his sleep, lynch him, push him out of a bridge....but not out of a plane. He closed the cargo door and sighed. The Beatles would live on, oh yes......but maybe without him.

Ringo, seeing John resist this mighty temptation, said "John. I can see you've had an hard day's night. But I'm glad you din't do it. After all, our boyo may just one day become *Sir Paul*." And John laughed and laughed and laughed.

"Sir Paul!" That's a good one. Yeah, and maybe I'll marry a Japanese artist. Uh-huh, that'll happen."

well, paul went to the bathroom. while he was gone, john, ringo, and george played cards.(do they ever do anything else?) they played for like, an hour until paul came out. "oh my god!" cried john. paul was dressed in a stewardess outfit! the 3 'normal' ones were really freaked out. then john broke into song. "i should have relized witha girl, um.. guy ike you." etc. well, paul started blushing, and got really mad. paul, for some weird reason, jumped out of the plane. it was paul! what do you expect? anyway, the rest of them jumped out. they all landed safely. but, their sgt. pepper outfits were floating in the air! along with their albums and instruments. (hum...sound simular?) well, all of a sudden, ringo stopped dead in his tracks. "ello" he said to the most beautiful girl he ever saw. "what is your neme?" "nicole", she said. john said to ringo, "um..mate,...aren't you married?" "yeah, but, i can't give this one up." "i see", said john. so, nicole joined them in their adventures. "ringo", said nicole, "why is paul a woman?" "you are talking about paul, think, my love." "oh!", she giggled. then george said, "ring, what a chick you found." "i know", said ringo. "she looks like an angel", he continued. "nothing will ever come between us." "ringo", said john. "you really have it for this girl." "oh, yes!" she is so verry lovely." well, said paul. "i need to find a boyriend!!!!"

And John took a look at Beatlechild, who coincidentally was floating along with the Beatles and Nicole....."What a babe," he said. "I'm not talking cute, I'm talking majorly hot chick." As soon as the four, no, five...wait, SIX of tem landed, John got down on his knee. "Will you marry me Beatlechild?" The Beatlechild looked at John and laughed. She was about to reply when a plane appeared out of nowhere. It was an old WWII jet. And it was Japanese. It crashed about half a mile from where our heroes were standing. "Well, isn't that the bloody dumbest KAMIKAZE pilot you've ever seen?" asked Ringo of the others. "Crashing in an empty field! Bloody stupid! And besides that, he's twenty-five years too late! Silly Japs!" The plane did not blow up. The cockpit hatch opened, and the pilot climbed out, coughing. George ran over to her and helped her out of the smoking wreck. They walked back to the group, who were still in shock. The pilot took off his helmet, and behold! It was a young Japanese woman! Beatlechild laughed. Paul gasped. Ringo swore. George fainted. John was struck dumb. He couldn't take his eyes off her. She said, "Hello, I am Ono...Yoko Ono."

"yes!", said beatlechild. all of a sudden, a big, beatiful, diamond ring popped in ringo's hands. hum.... he thought. "nicole, will you marry me too?" "yes!!!!!" "hey,", said john, "why don't we have a doubble wedding?" "oh, yes!" they all said. well, nicole and beatlechild became best friends. but they came even better friends with their fianceas.(duh) : )

John woke up. He was still only 18 and his band was just starting to come together. "Who the hell is Ringo?" he asked himself. Later that day, He told Stuart, George and Paul about it. " And you were there and you were there too!" he gushed (sound like something you've heard before???) Later, while they were playing in a night club,,,,,,

One day, Nicole's friend Angela visted her and Ringo. They were right in the middle of teatime, when George burst in, slammed the door, and started shouting. "I'M TIRED OF BEING SINGLE!! I NEED A WIFE!!" he said. Everybody was startled at that revelation. Ringo was so startled, in fact, that he spit out his tea all over Angela's white shoes. "cool, tie dye!" she said. By then, George was a bit embarrased, realizing that Ringo had company. Angela took one good look at George, stood up, and said to him, "I'll end your misery!" So, Angela and George drove to Las Vegas, and had one of those quickkie wedings. Instead of a wedding cake, there was a marshmallow pie.

And George and Jhon went to india, a Magical Mistery Land on it´s own, and George saw a man on the street with a strange guitar called a Sitar and asked him if he could teach him how to play, the man answered that such knowledge is within you... without you... Meanwhile Jhon Lennon was speaking to Ghandi, he didn´t look much like the pictures, Tv adds a few pounds on you. They mostly talked about Strawberry Fields and Working Class Hero and Imagine and fasting and how to fight for what´s right without actually fighting. During meditation, Jhon Lennons soul went away to meet Yoko, and Harrison´s decided to have a sit-down with the presumed dead flying dog. Well,the next day the boys(who by now should have become men)went to see a live consert with The Rutles,in Che stadium.It was like they new the songs,but still had'nt heard them before. "Very strange",said John."Their style is like us four years from now".Paul replied."No,i want a blue uniform".John agreed,and then they ran as fast they could down the tribune,and on to the stage and joined in with the band. No one were expecting them to,so they were trown of......

....back to nicole, ringo angela, and george. well, angela and george came back to england, (i think that is where they are) and finished tea with ringo and nicole. (it was a really quick wedding) then all of a sudden, paul and john popped it georges tea cup. they shrunk! "humm...", said george, "i think that eastern lady is up to something again. but thank god they aren't naked this time." well, ringo said, "moo-moo-doo-doo-ashii-hjhk!" and they were big again. so, they continued with their tea, as if nothing happend.

Then the Light smote the Four and the world was safe. John told the Light to make his purpose known. And the Light answered: "Thy purpose is my purpose." John told the Light to be clear more. Angered, the Light sent the Dragon to engulf John. John believed the Dragon to be good, and let it engulf him. But, Paul and young George here knew the Dragon to be evil.......The Dragon engulfed John many times, and John thought he was happy. Richie told John to beware the Dragon for all shall pay the toll of the Dragon's deeds. And as Paul, young George here, and Richie told John to beware the Dragon, they thought they spoke the proper ~moneo~. But the Dragon was evil only to them since the Dragon soon loved John and engulfed him only because the Light told it to. But the Dragon devised a plan and when the Dragon was to engulf John, she did not, but kissed him on the forehead and bid him goodnight, sleep tight. Then while John was sleeping the dragon appeared on a flaming pie and said "Let there be Beatles with an A" and so there was!!!!!

"Oh no!!!!" cried Paul. "Here comes my grandfather!!" " What's the matter with that?" asked John. "He seems like a very clean man." "He is, you could eat off of him." replied Ringo.

"Well, it is indeed your grandbladdy, Paul!" John said orangely as he mustard his courage and smote Ringo atop the head. "Whatever for was that for?" asked a still smarting Ringo, noticing that George had left the room more quickly than before. Then all of suddy George sailed back into the room holding a large clock and waving his hands carnivorously as if to say "It's almost time to go!" With that the other Beatles (and George too) bade farewell to Paul's grandfather, and began to walk away (being careful not to step on the cats which were strewn about)...


Then suddenly, out of nowhere, came Clang running with a bucket of paint and a sword!!!!!!!!! " Run Ringo, run!!!!" everyone cried. But then a big yellow submarine came to his rescue. John, Paul, and Ringo ran to it, ditching George. " Hey, wait for me!!! " he cried. They found themselves in a resteraunt with a bunch of people who weren't wearing shirts. " We're in Aunt Jessie's dream!! " shouted Ringo. " This is great!!" John said and proceeded to grab a shovel and start shoveling spaghetti on plates. Paul said " You better not get any spaghetti sauce on me or I'll cripple ya!!" while the others laughed at him.

Then they decided to go to the Alps and ski.

It got too cold there so they decided to go somewhere else. "How about the Bahamas??" yelled Paul. So they all agreed and went there.

When they got there they saw George was there waiting for them. " I knew you would come back for me!!!" he said as the other Beatles ran screaming back to the plane. When they had finally gotten rid of him they found a bus and hopped on. But they got off of that when Buster Blood Vessel told them they could have a good time as long as they were in the limits of British decency.

HEY!!!! I think whoever made that crack about "Goodnight" being a bad song needs to be quiet!!!!!!

Then they got bitten by an apple python. Everyone thought John had died from the bite, but 16 years later he popped up and said " Hahahaha!!!! I fooled you!!! " and it turned out he hadn't died and he had 16 years worth of good music he hadn't published yet. Then the queen said, " Why in the world did we make Paul a knight? " and they unknighted him and made John the knight since he is the best.

Chapter Four The only time I can remember seeing John at the Dakota was on my first trip to New York City. I had landed in the morning & checked into the Hilton with the thought of calling John up right away . All I got was a busy signal so I went down to the lobby to hail a cab. There was all manner of people in the streets & I could only pretend that I knew any of them. It only took a few minutes and I was on my way to meet John & interview him for my new book. It was warm that day even though it was late January. I remember talking to John the day before to set up the interview. He was so candid & outspoken that I looked forward to finally meeting this talented & gifted musician. All kinds of thoughts raced through my head & I really didn't know what my first question would be. Many years earlier when I was just a kid watching the movie "HELP", all I could think about was that I wanted a hair-do like John Lennons[.to be continued]

After a while the four decided to go back to a recording studio and record some more songs. But then Paul started bossing everyone around and made George and Ringo quit and John wanted a divorce. He wanted a divorce so he could marry BEATLECHILD, WHICH HE DID STOP CHANGING FATE GOSHDARNIT!!!

Then John woke up sweating from that horrible nightmare that he had to marry Beatlechild. He knew the one he loved was Lauren.

So then everybody went to sleep. Actually, only Ringo went to sleep, the others were kept up by his snoring. He was snoring so loud the windows started rattling. So they decided to go party and when they got back Ringo was sitting on the bed crying. "What's the matter Ring??" John asked. "I thought you guys had left me and no one loved me anymore" Ringo sniffled. "NO!! WE LOVE YOU RINGO!!" they all cried. Ringo felt better after that. Then George went to the zoo, Paul gazed at himself in the mirror, John went to a press conference, and Ringo practiced the last note on A Little Help From My Friends. It was a bit high for him.

Good night, everybody, everywhere.


And then they spent the 12th of January sitting around all day listening to the count down of triple j's hottest 100 and john was devastated that You am I only came in at numbers 80 and 84 when they deserved to be in the top 20. it was also the same for Popular and novacaine for the soul which the lads all adored. So just to spite the people who didn't vote for the previously mentioned songs they drove around with hourly daily blaring from the speakers

But then, a horrible tragedy struck. A huge blue meanie came out of the sky! He pulled out a revolver and shot Sir Paul in his shoulder. Sir Paul stumbled backwards and fell to the ground. "Oh no!" cried John. "Speak to me, Paulie!" "Am I dead?" croaked Paul......Paul bled, what would become of him????

"Here you go Pauly!!" Ringo said as he handed Paul a band-aid. "This will make you better"

"Ringo!" said Paul, "My hero! You've saved my life!" "oh gee, it was nuffin" said Ringo blushing shyly... suddenly.... John jumped into the air and screamed NUMBER NINE NUMBER NINE NUMBER NINE!!!!! The other three Beatles just looked at him like he was doing something normal. "oh, sorry fellas" said John jumping back to Earth "never mind.".....

Paul looked at John and said "I hope you're not gonna make that into a song, it's so," (tosses his hair) "uncommercial!"

Suddenly, and without warning, John was alone. A void, echoing white and endless and perhapsa little silly. "This would make a cool album cover," muutered John, "But what happened to the other fellas?" "They're not here!" said a voice form nowhere. "I can see that," replied Mr Lennon, "But where are they?" "That," said the voice, "Is less relevant than the question I must ask you?" "Oh yeah?" john was having none of this. A small man in a grey uniform bedecked with communist emblems materialised in fornt of him. "You went all wibbly and appeared just like on STAR TREK!" said John, undeniably impressed, but then he saw who it was. The little chinese gentlemen spoke, "So what's wrong wiht carrying pictures of me anyway."

Then the 4 Beatles decided to go flying on a magic carpet. Suddenly George pushed Paul, Ringo, and John off the carpet. He was jealous because they were cuter and made better music. Luckily they landed on a bunch of bushes. "AAAAAEEEEEEEE!!!!" Paul screamed. "What's the matter with you???" John asked. "LOOK!!" Paul said as he pointed to a......

Cute little puppy dog!!!! "Don't be soft!" scoffed John to the cowerding Paul. They saw that they were in the middle of a huge jungle. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Ringo screamed suddenly. "A SNAKE!!!!!!" So they all started running for their lives until they came to a little cottage. John knocked on the door. An old lady answered. She had warts and was hunchback. She invited them in for milk and cookies. "I bet she's a witch" Paul whispered to John. "Don't eat her food." But it was too late. Ringo had already finished off his cookies and was working on Paul's. Suddenly, he started transforming into a.....

sex symbol!!! Suddenly everyone liked Ringo a hell of a lot more than they liked Paul(hahahaha).

"EEeeeeeeee!!!! It's HIM!!!!!!!" girls started screaming and running after poor Ringo. "oh no!! what do i do??" he asked??? "RUN!!!" John yelled. So he did. He ran and ran and ran and ran. Then he tripped over George. Then he ran onto a train and tried to listen to the radio. But a mean old man made him turn it off :0(

The mean old man was bald and lonesome. He talked about a war in which Ringo didn't care for. Ringo cried out in his anger and his shame, " Everybody always treats me as if I was a nobody! and mister, you're the biggest loser I have ever seen!" But Ringo didn't really mean it. He was letting his emotions completely overtake him. I mean, the old lonesome man was a loser but Ringo was just too nice. But this isn't going anywhere Ringo thought...

So the boys went to St. John's Wood to pay a visit to their favourite red head, Jane Asher. She was in Paul's house on Cavendish Avenue with her brother Peter. John asked her if she wanted to go on a Magical Mystery Tour, but the ever independent Jane politely declined. Paul, always a bit suspicious, thought that his best mate was trying to steal his girl, so he ushered Jane into the next room and asked her to marry him.

however, jane proptly replied no, because she was STUPID and did not want to marry Paul!!! so, ringo, after hearing of his mates troubles, decided to cut off her hair.

So Ringo cut off all her hair. And wouldn't you believe it, just like Samson lost his strength when that lady cut off his hair, Jane Asher lost her hold over Paul. "Ugh, she's ugly!!" he exclaimed.

Then Paul and George went to McDonalds only to see (STUPID) Ronald McDonald! Then George jumped into the big play pen! So he was having a lot of fun!!!!! And he ate a BIG Mac! Paul is a vegaterrian so he had a salad and then joined George in the play pen! So they had a nice meal! Then Ringo busted through the door! and Ringo was sad people thought he was a picpocket and through tomatoes at him!

John saw Ringo ducking trying to get away from the tomatoes and couldn't help bursting into song. "What would you do if I sang out of tune would you stand up and throw tomatoes at me??" Then some guys dressed in robes noticed Ringo covered in tomatoe. "He is red!!! KIL HIM!!!" one fat guy screeched, so the other guys started running after Ringo yelling "KIEEEELEEEE!!!!" Suddenly...

There had been only one other time in my life that I had admired a man so much; my father....when he was teaching me on how to become a man. That movie of the Beatles forever changed my life. I rang the doorbell & anticipated the person coming to the door. It slowly opened & there in front of me stood.......Yoko Ono. This was great! In my wildest dreams I could not imagine that I would ever have an opportunity like this again. I fumbled through my pockets looking for a business card to give her but I thought, what the hell...& introduced myself. "Hello, I'm Raymond Baxter & I'm here to do an interview with John ". She laughed & then said"Please come in & I'll go get John". My heart was pounding & I couldn't stop for just a moment to gather my thoughts. Before I knew it, I was standing face to face with the most inspirational human being on the planet, John Lennon. Please pinch me to see if I'm dreaming!!!!!!!!!!!

...when suddenly, out of nowhere, jumped Ringo!! He was, of course, naked as a jaybird (as ringo was wont to be so often in those days), but he didn't seem to mind at all. By degrees, I began to hear a low, dull sound...such as a watch makes when enveloped in the gods!! IT WAS THE BEATING OF HIS HIDEOUS HEART!!! Okay, well, so, it wasn't. Actually, it was the distant sound of pioneer speakers a-bumpin'. And what to my wondering eyes did appear, but George, of all people, in a '64 Impala convertible, with hydraulic bloody shocks and everythin'. He jumped out, and I thought to myself, "What is this?! Beatles falling from the sky?!" And lo and behold, as he was known to do on occasion, Paul did, in fact, fall out of the sky. And so here was the fab four in its entirety once again. I stood, mouth agape, in awe of this so unexpected reunion...and i said, "Sweet Jesus! The Beatles! Together again!...What are you going to do now?" And, in a voice as if from heaven, John answered... "We're gonna ride the bloody train!" And Ringo chimed in, "I think i can, i think i can..." And even Paul! - "WOOO-WOOO!!"

So they all got on the bus (or was that the train? Paul says bus), and headed off for the heart of the country. "Welcome," said the driver. "Please forgive the one whose favorite Beatle is Paul and not John." The girl behind them then whined and pouted, for Paul was 37 years older and already married. Unfortunate thing, that. But when the Fabs sang, she wept with joy, for their music seemed to touch the heavens. And who do you suppose that girl was? Me, of course.

but the train soon decided to stop. so they got off, and George noticed that Ringo was definitely still naked. So he appealed to the others and they decided to get their buddy some clothes (after all, they couold certainly afford it!). So they eached chipped in one article of clothing. George's donation was a fireman's hat. Paul's donation was a -- was a ---purple turtleneck with the words I love the Beatles embroidered on the front. Paul's gift was extra special because John's aunt mimi had made it for him when he was little. But John had yet to find a gift.

John frantically looking around for something finally found the perfect gift for Ringo. He quickly snatched the item and went to the cashier to pay for the item. A few pounds later John presented Ringo his gift, a pair of boxer shorts with a yellow submarine on them. Ringo was so extatic he broke into a song....

None of the ther three Beatles knew what to do, so they joined Ringo in his rantings of a Bulldog. A few moments later, after the song had ended, Ringo went and bought himself a pair of pants because it was getting a bit nippy out. After Ringo had bought the pants he asked John, "Why don't you divorce Yoko? I mean you can get any chick you want." John thinking about this long and hard could not find a thing to say until.....

Lauren walked in. John took one look at her and said "Good idea!!" to Ringo. As it turns out, Yoko had decided that she liked this guy Noko anyways. So JohnandLauren got together, and stayed good friends with YokoandNoko.

You guys are all freakin' funny!! I love this....I crack up so bad... But anyway, The Beatles wanted to know the meaning of life. So they asked Douglas Adams, the famous author who wrote about Paul McCartney and the Krikkits in one of his books. "Forty-two," he said. But that didn't make sense, although the books written about it are great. They asked the Maharishi. "Meditate," he said. They didn't like that one either. So they all took LSD and the message came to them...."Love" it said. After they all stopped trippin' they compared trips and they had all seen the same thing...."Love." So they made a song called "All You Need Is Love" and everyone sang along and had a good time.

hey, it's great the're singing about love, but what ever happened to nicole? remember, ringo's wife? well, when ringo came home from the very long day, nicole was waiting for him. but, the minute ringo walked in his home, paul came throughthe floor and kissed nicole!!! "eeewwwwwww!!!!!" cried nicole. then john popped up on nicole's head and paul dissappered. john was building a house in her hair. "um" said ringo, "this is weird." then, john and his house disappeared, and george came through the celing and started climbing up nicole's leg. then ringo picked george up and stuffed him in the oven. after they were alone, they went beddy-bies.(te-he-he!)

The next morning JohnandLauren decided to go on a trip somewhere. But where should they go??? Paul and Linda had gone to Italy, George and Olivia went meditating, and Ringo and Nicole were at home. Finally after hours and hours of thinking, they finally decided to.......

FLY TO THE MOON!!!!!! John had always wanted to know what it was like out there. So JohnandLauren hopped onto a spacecraft with some friendly aliens. Then when they got to the moon they made a lovely summer cottage to stay in. But then the aliens turned mean. It turned out they wanted to eat JohnandLauren!!! So JohnandLauren started to run away from the aliens. "What should we do??" she asked. "I've got a plan!!" shouted John since he was so smart. You know how people always say the world is round?? Well it's not. John was one of the only people who knew that. So he grabbed Lauren's hand, told her to hold on tight, and jumped over the edge.

John was no challenge to God but there was a ring about him that was a challenge to others! Ringo, Paul, George, and John will never die!

As JohnandLaura were falling through the heavens a girl named Lucy, who had diamonds flying about her, grabbed John's hand and lowered him down to the ground. John landed atop a small hill, on the hill next to him two fools were dancing. John asked them what there names were. "My name is Brad, and this is my good friend Kat." said the first fool. "Hey aren't you John Lennon" asked the second fool. John din't reply, just nodded his head. Then the next thing the fools new John was gone, but it didn't matter, they just flew away with Lucy to a small place called Strawberry Fields.


Then, John realized that Yoko wasn't right for him so he left her for a litle while while he sorted things out. So he went back to the other Beatles who had also left their wives and girlfriends for a little while so they could make a new album. They were all sitting aroung thinking of something to write a song about but, they couldn't think of anyhting so they went for a walk. On the walk all sorts of weird things happened around them but they didn't notice. A dog fell in Paul's hair and the streets were covered with gold, All of a sudden everyhting became weird. Then it started raining diamonds but they were so far away from their homes that they would have to find something around where they were to go into 'till the rain stopped. They found this old deserted house and they all climbed down into the basement. Just their luck there was a little old piano and a messed up looking guitar down there. So they sat down, because John had thought up a groovy idea for a song. So they tried to make "I want To Hold Your Hand" But then George and Ringo noticed that the diamonds had stopped falling so Paul (who still had a dog in his hair) wrote down the lyrics on John's back because they didn't have any paper, only a pen and John wasn't wearing a shirt. They all climbed out of the house and started walking back to the studio to finish the song. Paul finally realized that there was a dog in his hair and pulled it out and gave it to Linda for a birthday present. Then as they were going to the studio...

Ringo decided he had to get something to eat. So all four of the Beatles decided that they should go to "Joey the Muppets Good Cookin'" They all knew that Joey the muppet made the best damn pizza in the world so they headed in the direction of the restauruant. When they got into the resaturant Joey recognized them on the spot, for Joey was their biggest fan. He set up a very special booth for them and brought them their favorite pizza, Pepporoni and Sausage. After they finished eating they all took out their red nose hairs and started smoking.

And Their heads did clear up after that. John realized that Yoko had put a spell over him and decided to go back to Lauren. But would Lauren take him back????.................


It turns out that the alien lady Yoko had tried to eat John and when she bit his arm the spell broke and he loved Lauren again. The alien was very heartbroken, for even though she had wanted to eat him she still loved him. But John knew it would never work out. So John and Lauren became JohnandLauren once again. :0)

George and Angels got divorced and George married a girl named Nicole2 a hundred times as pretty as Ringo's nicole.

And then Sabarglo The flying dog suddenly returns from his vacation in Blue Jay Way.

Sabarglo started telling John and Ringo about his grande adventure to Bue Jay Way. As they sat listening intently to the story John, being the smartest of the Beatles, started jotting down what Sabarglo had been telling them. After Sabarglo finished John exclaimed, "I HAVE IT!" "Have what?", Ringo asked. "The words to the new song I just wrote, 'Blue Jay Way'! And I know which one of us I want to sing it......George!", John replied excitedly. George speechless didn't know what to say......

Then, all of a sudden, the pink (or whatever color they were) dragons and the blue meanies appeared out of nowhere and attacked Pepperland. But the Yoko started singing and that killed all of the monsters. But wait a minute! It killed the Beatles too!!! The Beatles went to Heaven and God said, "No, you Beatles must stay on Earth and bring happiness to everyone." So God sent the Beatles back to Earth and they all went home to their many wives. Oh yeah, they killed Yoko and those damn Oasis guys who went to Hell and stayed there!

Ringo then went and told John that he was going to go on vacation with his wife. John then decided that heandLauren would like to come with them and Ringo agreed whole heartedly. So JohnandLauren and Ringo and his wife went away by themselves to Hawaii and left Paul and George back at the studio to finish the last three songs for the album. AND SOON JOHN NAMED THE DRAGON YOKO ONO

So JohnandLauren and Ringo and his wife were sunning themselves in Hawaii. But what they didn't know was that a hurricane was coming. When it struck they were asleep lying on the beach. The next thing they knew they were hurling through the air and splashing in the water. "We're going to DIE!!!" Ringo screamed. Then a nice Liverpuddlian voice replied "Don't do that, luv." and they all felt like they were being dragged under. Suddenly, they could breathe!!! They were at the bottom of the ocean with an octopus. "You saved us!!" JohnandLauren exclaimed. Then they spent the rest of their vacation with the octopus (whos name was Spencer) and had a lovely time. They were warm beneath the storm in the octopuses garden in the shade. They would shout and swim about the corral that lies beneath the waves. But then, sadly it was time to go. "Bye!!" They all said to Spencer. And they swam back to the surface and rushed to catch their plane. While they were flying back home Ringo started humming something. "That's really catchy." his wife said. "What song is it??" "It's a song I'm going to write" answered Ringo. Then he sang it for them. "It's WONDERFUL Ringo!!" shouted JohnandLauren. What was this wonderful song you ask?? Why it was Octopuses Garden of course!!
¨What's the ugly bastard doing in my bed¨ shouted John, as he got of his bed. ¨Ÿou don't love me anymore?¨ asked Yoko. ¨¨Well dah!¨

Finally, Yoko left John. The next day in the recording studio, The Groupees (who had their own TV show in the U.S. and were named "The American Beatles") were their watching and talking to The Beatles. During their break, George said, "I have a pill that you can take if you want to. My scientist friend, Dr. Robert, gave it to me. It's called LSD (Little Sunshine Dosage)." After taking LSD, John saw some strange things. He saw the man on a flaming pie who said that they were The Beatles with an "A" and John asked him what his name was and the man said, "My name is Peach." John said, "Boy! That's just peachy!" He also saw Lucy in the sky with diamonds and the benefit of Mr. Kite. When he saw these two things, he thought to himself that they would be great songs! After George took LSD, he was flying. The Groupees were daydream believers in a pleasant valley sunday. Paul and Ringo were......

Then Lisa walked in and "HOLT YOU LOT, LETS TAKE A BREATHER HERE, and maybe pray for better days while we are at it! But the Fabtabulous foursome looked at each other and said".....NNAAAAAAA....!!!"

Then Oasis came back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then George, who was still flyin' and cryin', said to John, "Man am I ever fucked!" To which John replied, "No you are a fuck!" And everyone laughed because it was funny, and Oasis sucks.

As soon as Oasis came back the public was there to greet them with BOOS. Oasis was so distraught that they broke up for the millionth time trying to make everybody feel sorry for them. But, of course, nobody gave a Rats Ass about them. The tension was finally cut when one of the oasis band memeber slashed his own throat. The rest followed.

Unfortunately, the Oasis band member who slashed his throat was not Liam Gallagher. It was the bald guy whose name is Paul (and I swear that they have those two guys named Paul in there just so they can be the stinky lil' Beatles wannabees they are.). Anyhoo, Liam was still alive, and so was Noel. However, the band faded into absolute obscurity. Five years later, as Alana, Angela, and Julie were walking along Abbey Road in search of hard things, the white VW bug with the license plate that reads 28IF that has been parked there for almost thirty years decided to back up, running poor little Rocky Raccoon over. Out popped Yoko, who ran around the back to see what that horrible furry thud was. Alana, Angela, and Julie were so mad at Yoko that they took her to Picadilly Circus(which isn't a circus at all, but don't tell Mr. Kite) and tied her to a bench and made her sit on a cornflake until she admitted she was a doodyhead. Suddenly, a giant walrus came flubbering up the street. "Hey, now! Don't look back in anger! She's electric! She's my wonderwall!" the walrus unzipped his suit and out popped our friend Liam. Yoko was so taken by him, what with his copycat round glasses and all, that she asked him to marry her. Liam said yes immediately since he's so desperate to be just like John. So they had a wedding right there and Noel was Liam's best man. Unfortunately, the brothers got in a fist fight where Liam shoved the wedding ring up Noel's nose, and it got all bloodied. But the wedding went on, and as Liam gave the crusty ring to her, she begins to sing. (Run for your lives!)

Then the Beatles decided to come back into the story...
what's with all the crab man! let have some respect for the ONE who truly planted the love in all our souls. I mean I am reading dis 4 pages and am telling to myself that you guys/gals just gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta set me free! Yeah. Oh what the hell. What am I saying here! Just get Instant Karma and write on my fellow lennites.Ha Heh!

George took Nicole 2 and they went.....

Then John took George to a pet store. George picked out a nice puppy, a fuzzy brown puppy with spots. He named it Liam. But this was no normal puppy! This was a singing puppy!!! And then....

The singing puppy showed John and George a secret passage to a brand new place. This place was strange and cold, yet really really cool. When they landed, they were face to face with a red-headed woman in a weird trench coat and a veeery good-looking guy. "Who are you?" asked George. "Mulder and Scully, FBI," the good-looking guy replied. John, George, and the singing puppy had landed in the mystical land of.......X-FILESLAND!!!!


"jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjxznah skdjgnkjdsbgjaew ndksjbhkjgrehkjbsgkj efhkgjwrhl hreugyqfbjlwkerytwbjk grkljwhtw4 veth khtkqhtukw jrklthqh hmdfht iu kheyirhkqt ghkjlhq hyeoq ghilrehy; qhihyarne iyq jgli3rq gh3wilrqp ghuoiewp rekhyowrh qiht rhe oqh oiyh hgois hpghoeq jgioepq jhdoiqejrihgq hgeq htoerq htdnfi2q hge qhgeq hgoiuehqtioe rhtoriqp ghoiepq geoiqp oiepq hgoier hgo ugho3rqhy hgiotqp hgoeirq ghoiqr hgoiqryot bguf hqgh vns,q ghfkqo vnjkeoq iruoepqhbnfeq hgofe qhb kvpq rfhiugqreop ghoepq hgoehg" said George. "Uhoh here he goes again," said john. Ever since we left xfile land he's been acting really wieird!!!!! They decided to take a trip to Pennsylvania. There they found their two favorite fans, Sara and Julia, talking to Paul and Ringo. Julia was telling them about her recent marriage to actor Matthew McConaughey. Then Matthew acame and was introduced to the Beatles. Sara and Julia asked Paul to come to their school and be their new cantores teacher, so that they could sing Hey Jude, their FAVORITE SONG!!!!!

So they sang their number, and Liam desperately tried to harmonize at first, but then George kicked him (he was back by now). Then Ringo, who had been left out of the story cruelly decided that the Beatles should all be running along, and drove them all back to England in his Yellow Submarine. By this point in time George had finally realized that who ever it was he was married to at this point was wrong for him, because their souls clashed and married Missy. [what power I have]

"Hey, remeber how we always used to eat pies, and that funny dog Sarbarglo?" asked John. "No," said Paul. "Oh." said John. (what action)

"Yes, you remember. You just don't think you do!" Ringo said cheerfully. "Oh yeah!!!" John and Paul said as they remembered. "We had ever so much fun," said John. "Sure did." said George as he continued to look out the window in hopes of finding ideas for a new song. Just then, Paul leapt to his feet. "Well, what are we waiting for?" John agreed. "Nothing! Let's start an exciting adventure!" Little did the Beatles know that an adventure far more exciting than they ever dreamed was awaiting them...

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Last updated on May 14, 1998