Bagism: Library

In Our Own Write - Chapter 5

In Our Own Write is an interactive story YOU create. But don't worry, you won't have to write the whole thing yourself. You can can contribute as much or as little as you'd like. The idea is to build on whatever was written before, a little at a time. The specifics of the story is completely up to you, but the main theme should have something to do with John Lennon.

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Yes, they were going to have a wonderful adventure, JohnandLauren, George and Nicole2, Ringo and Nicole, and Paul and whoever.

Then John wrote HELP a great song and the movie came out and Ringo had to wear that big red ring.John had to play his harmonicka to help Ringo from the tiger by singing betovons 9th snoyphy.Paul toke an orange soda bath because he got shrunk. George didn't do very much but alltoghther it was a wonderful movie I loved it.

soon after making help! the beatles saw these people having a fight, Cyn and TDA were trying to kill Pedro the fisher man, but Jules was trying to stop them the Sam came along and said STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT!!! The beatles thought we were so halarious they hired us all to be in their next movie SAVE ME!!!

All of a sudden, all the Beatles wives, ex-wives, and soon-to-be wives mysteriously vanished. The Beatles didn't care and they decided to go visit Sabarglo, the flying dog, and eat all kinds of pies. But one of the Beatles got lost and the others couldn't figure out who it was. ..

All the wives showed up again Nicole2 who was still married to George (he didn't marry malissa after all) went back to their psychedelic bungalow and....

George knew that Nicole2 was PERFECT for him and that they would be together PERMANENTLY! George told Missy to go brek up someone else because George and Nicole2 were inseparable! they went away from Missy and into their psychadelic bungalow and......

but it turned out that it was not to be so the subject was CLOSED FOREVER!!! john decided to walk to the supermarket and buy some carrots but he couldn't do it by himself because there would be mobs of people everywhere no matter where he went. he decided to take a shortcut across central park through strawberry fields. he got there (having never been there before) and saw the plaque in the middle that read imagine and said "hey there, that sounds familiar" but he couldn't place where he had heard that word before. he decided that he no longer wanted carrots so he walked back across the ocean (across the universe) to Abbey Road studios where Paul and George and Ringo were intently waiting for him because it was time to (FINALLY) record Let the Blender Be.

Then they all went out to eat and ordered a foot-long Yellow Submarine sandwich.


So George and Nicole2 went in their psychedelic bungalow and..........

Let's try and keep this story about the Beatles and not our personal lives. Anyway, disaster struck! One of the Beatles was hit by a car. But who was it? Is he okay? The next author can decide. (Keep on the subject, PLEASE!!!!)

It was Ringo!!!!! "Oh no!!!" the other three cried as they ran to see if he was all right. The driver who ran over Ringo drove away laughing evily. "Let's catch him!!" yelled George. But first they took Ringo inside the house and layed him on the couch. Ringo woke up. "Where am I?? Who am I??" "Uh-oh!!" said Paul "He's got ammesha!!" "That's amnesia you twit!!!" said John. "George, you stay here and try to help Ringo get back his memory, me and Paul will try to find the driver." "Whatever you say, John" George replied. So John and Paul left.

The driver was the evil, Jimmy Nichol!!!!!

John and Paul had just driven up to George Martin's home, when they saw the man who had ran over Ringo driving across the next street at 120 mph. No, it wasn't Jimmy Nichol, unfortunately; although he looked like him. It was Satan himself. And Yoko was riding shotgun! John saw this, and said to himself, "Never mind! I don't wanna be seen around with that woman!" But, since she had the evil powers and could do anything, she granted Ringo back his memory (in secret, of course) and John fell into the trap. And here, ladies and gentlemen, the story begins...

They were all thirsty from the past chaos, so they looked feverishly for a place to get some tea or orange juice. There WAS no such place. Just then George saw a 7-11, open all night. "Let's get a Slurpee, then," he said. So they went inside and got 84-ounce Slurpees. "I'll say one thing for the Americans," John said, "and that's that the Slurpee is bloody genius." They went back outside and were confronted by Yoko. "Yes," she said to a question that had never been asked. She gestured at a passing bus. "I will find you wherever you go. I'm here to stay," she said mysteriously. "Look!" said Ringo...

"here!!" Ringo finished saying. I still don't know who I am or you are or where we are. John glared at George. George hung his head. "Patty came over when you left and I forgot" he said guiltily. So they sat down and had a long talk with Ringo.

"Good!" the Beatles said! "They are finally getting back to writing about US! We were getting a bit bored with the young birds' fantasies about us-after all, all the birds have 'em (and some of the lads do as well) so it was gettin ta be more of certain peoples' fantasies than an action-packed Beatle adventure, and we think Sam is really gear for startin' this in the first palce, ya know luvs?"

The previous sentences had nothing to do with this story but since we like to keep a balance between humility and stupidity as sighted in British law section 314 article 52,We through them in. So now on with the real story, after Yoko was arrested for extorsion of John Lennon. Paul McCarteny said, and I quote,"It's about bloody time!" Wait that was one of my dreams. So then after gathering his elite team John Lennon went in search for Holy Grail. His team included Mr. Mustard, Polythene Pam, Maxwell Edison, Justin Barnum, and William Campbell! Their quest was soon jeopordized by giant nights that said,"Ni",alot! But after getting the royal shrubbe...Well since I can't find the right story I geuss I'll just quit right here. I liked to thank you on behalf of the group and I hope we passed the auditions.

Well, actually we didn't-but let's keep this happy. Oh, Yeah, did I forget to mention that I took Liam to the pound? In, fact, I might as well tie up all those loose ends. Missy went and married the NoWhere Man (from Yellow Submarine, loved that movie). After the car crash Ringo said that he felt fine, but we found this guy named Will Cambell and threw him in just to confuse everyone. No wait-John found him, but who cares. Anyways, we were done with Paul because he was in Jail for burning condoms in Germany again, and Ringo was back to that bald man thing again. After John found the Holy Grail, he realised that Yoko was just weird(er than him) and decided to stay married to her, and then they went and played chess(with all white pieces) to show there were no hard feelings. I luckily escaped the Psychedelic Bungalow, just because that was the only way I could let you know who this is. And Mal, (where'd we leave him?..) managed to find the Jelly Baby Pie and Sarbarglo because that brought two characters back to the story.

All of a sudden, Neil Aspinall fell out of the sky and landed on Paul's head. (Hey, if we have Mal, we have to have Neil.)

"Ouch!" cried Paul. Then Paul ran around flapping his arms like a lunatic. Then, a beautiful young lady named Diana appeared and Ringo decieded that he didn't like Nicole anymore. " Will you marry me?" Ringo asked Diana. "Of course." replied Diana with a lovely smile that made Ringo love her even more. They live a long and happy life together and had 5 children. Then Yoko appeared and started sining "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts. . . " That scared George and then George died, but the other Beatles didn't really care because George was too qyuiet , stupid, and ugly. Now, the other Beatles have to find a replacement.

Ringo decided to take Diana on a cruise with JohnandLauren, and Paul and his new BOYFRIEND. They had a lovely time and ate many lemon pies. The Beatles( or The Beatles except for George) didn't know this, but Yoko also was on the ship with her husband, Noko. They saw a Walrus that had a dead dog on its back with yellow matter custard dripping out of its eyes. "That could be something I can put in a song." said John. (For some reason, Paul was still running around flapping his arms.) John ran into a bathroom and recorded the guitar part of I Am The Walrus. But, it ended up taking longer than he excpected because he was constapaded. Then he started singing "Strawberry Fields Forever" just to keep him company during his poop-time.

All of the sudden Paul walked in on John. "What the hell are you doing?" asked John. "we need a new name for the band" stated Paul. "How bout Oasis?"asked John. "yes that sounds wondeful, we are now called Oasis"

But as for that problem of running out of Georges, why that was what William Campbell was there for, even though he lookoed like Paul. But really, even though everyone thought George was dead (no wait, they didn't thanx to willy), he was really in India trying to play the sitar. Did I mention Mal, Neil, and Sarbarglo had gone too?

George was really in India, but while trying to learn how to play the sitar some crazy George Harrison-haters attacked him with the sitar and then he really did die.

Meanwhile, back in India...George was playing his sitar when he felt a grumble under his feet. Suddenly a huge crack formed in the ground and out emerged John. "What in the..." whispered George. 'Hello, me name is John Lennon, and I am here today to say that I want to get some clay and make things by the bay, so what do you say, will you play?" John said with a huge grin on his face. "Oh shut up," said Paul as he pulled himself up from the crack in the ground. "I'm supposed to be the talented one, remember, I am supposed to get all of the attention!" Yelled Paul. "Oh, go kick yourself in the ass," mumbled Ringo as he climbed up from the crack and floated to the ceiling. "I'd like to see that," said John. "WILL YOU ALL STOP ARGUING!!? What do you want anyways?" Screamed George. "Well, I want five chickens, and some corn beef hash. What do you want Ringo? Asked John. "Well, I'd like my own guitar and a good voice, what about you Paul?" Answered Ringo. "ENOUGH!! WHY ARE YOU HERE?" Snapped George. "You didn't even let me say what I wanted!" Paul complained. And out of nowhere, I appeared and ran over to John. "I love you John," I said as I gave him a big hug and a kiss. (now back to the story) "We are here because we want you to come back to the Beatles! And we need your opinion on our new band name, how do you like the name "OASIS"? said John. "I hate that bloody name" Answered George. "We can't use that name anyways. Remember! In about 15 years there is going to be a band called Oasis, with this faggot singer, and they are going to suck...can't you see the future?" "No." Said John. "No" Said Ringo. "YES!" Said Paul. "OH SHUT UP PAUL!" Said Ringo. "Sorry, I just wanted to seem important." replied Paul. John pulled out his neat communicator pen, and said "Beam us up, Scotty". And like that, the Beatles were in America again. (this part of the story was written by Blue Jay Way, a.k.a The 1st Day Tripper!!)

Back to the Beatles where ever they were at . . . John and Paul told Ringo about their idea for their new name to be Oasis. " That's the stupidest name I ever heard of. Anyways, that'll confuse all the fans," said Ringo. Knowing that Ringo was very intelligent (not to mention very handsome and very popular to the ladies), Paul and John decided to keep their name as The Beatles. "And about that William Campbell guy," Ringo continued, " I don't think he is that great and he looks like a Jimmy Nichol (not Paul) except he plays the guitar." The other Beatles agreed so they kicked William out of the band. Then, Brian Epstein flew down from heaven and told the other Beatles that George is causing a lot of trouble in heaven so they have to kick him out of heaven. "But where will he go?' asked Paul. "The other way," said Mr. Epstein. "Ha! Ha! Ha!" said John, "Serves him right for stealing all me jelly babies!"

(Author's note: To anyone who is reading just ignore the person who wrote two paragraphs ago about John coming out of the ground in India BECAUSE they have no idea what he is talking about because GEORGE IS DEAD! ! ! ! So he can't be in India playing the sitar. Thank You.)

(Another Author's Note: Still about the guy who wrote two (actually now three) paragraphs ago. Ringo Starr has a WONDERFUL voice so he can't asked for a good voice. AND Ringo is too SWEET to say all that mean stuff to the other Beatles.)

A completely unrelated Beatle story: Man, why does George have to be so much older than me. I meant that he is only 5 years older but still...... Oh how I long to meet him, Fall in love, date, and marry." Said my best friend Amanda Redden who plans on becoming a model. " What do you mean that we can marry them. A. Why would they want to date us when we are young and not sophisatcated and B. they can have any girl that they want so why would they pick us." "Miss Sunny lee Mowery all ways on the ground and never dreams of anything." "I know but they are so far away from me I mean you" I stammered, "So you do want to meet them, I knew it!" "and besides as I said they would never pick me because I " and I started to cry. Amanda startled by me ruining our perfect afternoon in Raspberry Fields. But Amanda didn't stop me and she just let me cry. After a while She asked me, " Why are you crying?" So then I realized that I was making a fool of myself so I stopped. " I am sorry Amanda I know that I am being a real pain." and I ran home and cried for most of the afternoon. Later that night Amanda called me and she asked if I was all right I said I was fine and she seemed quite relieved. The next day I walked to school with Amanda and we walked to our lockers which are right next to each other, "Well, it might be a possibility that we might meet them. I say that we go downtown and we buy the Beatles new record Please, Please Me." "Right now?" I asked with out thinking." Of coarse not after school sometimes I wonder about you." So we went to homeroom and sat down I sit behind Amanda. We got our books together and went to math class which was always first . She sits behind me in math, science and reading. The teacher Mr. Harrison came in[ I wish he was related to George but he is very undoubtably not!!!!!!] " Ok, children settle down." "We're not children we're young adults." said Adam, always the protester to all of our teachers." Ok, than young adults sit down and be quiet." You could tell that Mr. Harrison was in a bad mood and it started by Adam, the biggest jerk in the world. " We are going to take our math homework for a grade and you can thank your friend Adam for that because he doesn't have it done." " Man, Sunny, what am I going to do I didn't do it last night! I know I will say that I lost and I will do it over tonight." " Mr. Harrison, I seemed to have misplaced it can I do it over again tonight?" " I don't know let's see if you are trust worthy and see if you had it done every time before and if you did you can do it tonight and if not you get a zero." "I think I had it all done before." " Ok, you missed one night and so do it before 5:00 and take it over my house and it will count. Do you know where I live?" " Aaa, no." " I live at 12 up 12 down Almond Grove, can you remember that?" " Ya, I think I can." Amanda said sarcasticly. She came and sat down. "You are very, very, very lucky." I said. "I know I thank myself for doing my homework every other time except for that once." So we went threw that boring day and Amanda and I race to the record store and bought 2 Please, Please me and that was 6 and 9 which was very expecive since we bought it on the first day. Then we raced to her house I was going to help her with her homework. We put on her copy of the record that we just bought and I helped her with some difficulty I was getting very frustrated. About 10 minutes before 5 when we told her mum where we were going and I got my record since I had to go home after we went to his house. We really had to race to Mr. Harrison's house because Amanda lives at 3 up and 13 down Walnut Grove and that is all the way across Southport. We made it there 1 minute before 5 " Miss. Redden I see you made it. You know I only wanted you to come." " No I didn't, come on what are you are going to show me that you can't show Sunny. You trust Sunny with you know that she is one of your favorite students, come on let her in." " Oh all right, I guess that she can come in but remember what you ladies are going to see you are going to be very shocked with." " Aa,I only came to bring you my math paper." " I know but I got two unexpected guests and I know that you are dying to meet them." "I will go in if Amanda does." I said wanting to have nothing to do with it. " I guess I will go." said Amanda," Good I really want you to meet them." So we went inside and Amanda made a comment " who are they Ringo Starr and George Harrison?" we laughed at that joke for a minute and we arrived at the kitchen. " You both have to close your eyes very tight for 15 seconds and I will lead you in to the kitchen. No peeking." So we did as he said I was still clutching my record with the wrapper not even taken off yet and I think that Amanda peeked but I don't care. "Ok, you may open your eyes now." Mr. Harrison said with excitement in his voice. And sitting there drinking tea was John Lennon and George Harrison." You were almost right except it's not Ringo." said Mr.Harrison, " You over heard me." said Amanda not paying and attenshion to the two out of four most famous people in England. While this was going on I was just standing there and kept looking at the record I held in my hand and at the people that sit in front of me. " Um, will you explain why my idols are sitting in front of me please?" asked Amanda. " You know how I told the class I was not related to George well I am." " Why did you tell your class that you related to George over here?" said John the first of the two to talk. " At George's request so that I don't have to tell every girl in the class your address." I noticed that George had not said a word since we walked in and he was starring at Amanda and I was getting a little annoyed and shy. We were BOTH wearing our best clothes that day. "Who are these pretty girls." " That is Amanda and over here is Sunny Lee." "Sunny Lee, hum, I like that name." said John. "Hi." is all that I could manage out speaking for the first time. I mean what could I say right there in front of me is John Lennon and George Harrison! A minute ago I was laughing and having fun and now I the most nervous person to live and the most nervous person that will ever live. How can she do that just talk like no one is there? "Hi, I am Amanda Redden and I play the guitar."Not noticing that I was holding the record anymore staring at the stars in front of me John noticed that I was holding Please, Please, me. "You know that you don't have to be nervous in front of us we are just normal people like you and your friend Amanda over there." commented John that made me relax a little not much but a little. " Girls, come and sit down next to the boys." said Mr. Harrison not speaking for a while either. So Amanda came and sat by George and I sat by John. " Ok, I am not going to be nervous anymore." I said under my breath. "so um, what is it like being Beatles?" Amanda asked George and John. "I don't want to get in tho that subject that I am asked 24 hours a day." said John who was now staring at me that I noticed. "Well I think that I am ready to talk now." I said under my breath again. " Hi I play the piano." " Really, how long have you been playing?" asked John " I have been playing now for I the what is it Amanda 12-13 years now?" " 13." Amanda said starring at George with dreamy eyes. " Wow, that is long. I've been playing for 8 years you are probally so much better than me." " Ya right I tried to play along I can not do what you can do." " Maybe we can get together and do a duet." " That would be cool." " Oh George we forgot to tell your uncle what we came here for." Oh, ya right." George said coming of a daydream. "Uncle Herb, we came here to tell you that this guy Brian Epistin got us a tour in Paris and maybe after that we might go to America!" " Oh George I am so proud of you I know you boys would do something spectacular." "Oh my god I have to get home my mum is going to kill me." I almost yelled finding out what time it is. "Wait Sunny, maybe I can walk you home?" John asked looking so cute I couldn't resist. " Ya That would be nice," I replied shyly. "Well, then I guess we better go before it starts to get dark," John said seeming eager to walk me home, "Ah,Amanda, are you going to come?" I asked noticing my friend. "No, you and John seem to be hitting it off quite well, I think I will stay and talk with George a bit longer,okay?" she asked looking at George who smiled wildly back at her. "Sure that's fine, are you ready John?" I asked holding my record closly to me. "Yeah, when ever you are ready?" he said putting on his coat and then he escorting me out of the door. " Where do you live?" he asked so shyly that I didn't remeber that it it was John Lennon that I was talking to. " I live at 34 Mullberry St." " Wait I will go up to your house with you and I can talk to your mum for a while and I will tell her that I will have you back in awhile because I really want to take you somewhere special." " Where are you going to take me?" I asked curiously. " You'll see it is a serect. Now is that your house right there up the street?" " Ya," I said dreamily. So we nerverously went in to my house." Mum, I am home!" "Where in the world have you been it is nearly 6:00 I told you to be here by 5:00!" " I'm sorry I told you that I was going with Amanda over to Mr. Harrison's house at 5:00." I said as my mum walked in the door." Oh, I'm aa um I 'm sorry I didn't know that we had company. I know that I have seen that face before but where? Hold on It will come to me in a second." "Mum, you know that this JOHN LENNON! Have you been in a cave for the last year or something?" "Hello Mrs. Mowery-" "Miss Mowery-" " Oh I am sorry um I was wondering if I could take your daughter to special place of mine and and I promise to have her back before 10:00~" "9:30." "9:45" " Ok, John you can take my bloody daughter out tonite." "Mum don't just call me your"bloody daughter" John I think that we better leave NOW!" "Don't mind me mum," I said as we walked out the door making sure that me mum heard."She gets irrated very quickly since me father left when I was 4." " What happened, I guess what I am tryng to ask is why did your father leave?" " Me pop was a "drunkin' stiff" as me mum calles him. He got drunk every night and then came home and beat me and me mum. I mean he just pulled me out of the bed some nights and pushed me down the stairs and he would hit me hard. He would also make me sit there and cry when he beat me mum I mean he would make me watch. And one night he got really drunk and stayed out till 2:30 in the morning and came home and beat the crap out of us. I mean he hit me so hard on the back that I have a scar. I was so scared that I didn't know what to do. The one night I know that he was going out and got really scared and hid in me closet and that night he never returned." "Wow,. and I thought that my old man was bad. He left when I was 4 too." " He was a merchant seaman during WW2 and he just picked up and left one day." "Well if your pop left why do you live with your Aunt Mimi where is your mother?" my mum didnt think she was fit to be a single parent so she gave me to mimi and she died when i was 15." John said as though he was going to cry at that moment."Wow. I'm so sorry John. That must have been a really hard year for you espcially at the tender age of 4." "I was strong. Ok, now off of that topic. I have a question for you. How old are you?" "I am 18.You prob. think that I am Immature though. I knew that you would." Why do you think that I think that you are immature? You are not! I swear that the first time I saw you I thought that you were at least 22." ""Can we please get off this subject, please! Ok fine. Listen before we go to the spot do you want to go to dinner?""Ya that would be great. Where do you want to go?" "I don't know I was going to just as you the same thing." "How about Remo's?""That sounds great with me." So on the way there we talked about this and about that. When we got to a small booth in a corner so no one would see I was with John. The waitress was Julia Boyd from school. I never really got to know her. Like we were friends for a while and the I started to hang out with Katie,Jessica,and Amanda. And they all thought that she was a nerd so I stopped being friends with her. She was a year younger than us but she got promoted a grade. "Hello welcome to Remo's may I take your order?" Said Julia in an nasally voice."Yes I will take a hamburger and some fries with a Coke."said John. "Julia looked up from her tablet and freaked."Julia shut up. Ok John and I met today but you cann't tell anyone that the Beatles are in Southport because they are suppose to be in France right now.""Right I will keep quiet. If John autographs me record that is in the back I will go get it I will be right back."Julia said Jumping with excitement. So after the little ordeal with Julia, we went on with our normal conversation."So, a where are you living at the moment?" " I live with Paul in the top of this restarant in London.It is very small." " Where are you going to take me tonight?" " I don't know I just made that up so that I could be with you more. I thought that we could just do some spur of the moment things." I was very touched."You didnt need to make up something just that I would stay with you I was hopeing that you would ask to do something with me." So we went on with our dinner talking about this and that amd about and then they got to the subject leaving the restrant and were wondering where to go.

ANYWAYS!!! JohnandLauren and Ringo and Diana decided they had liked the cruise so much that they should go on another trip. This time they decided to go to Greenland!! But they accidentally turned left and found themselves in America. So then they saw Paul giving away his autograph (which everyone was rejecting). When he saw them his face turned red and he ran up to them saying he had been mobbed by girls the whole time he had been in America. "Sure" John said.

-You only think you are being rejected, because you are the cute one and whenever someone else gets the attention, you get it all wrong. See? Paul thought about it for a moment, and then he said: -Oh.

Suddenly someone said: -Hey, where is George? -George? Oh, Gorgeous George? That philosophical one? Ringo asked. -Yes, but heīs only being philosophical because thatīs his job. he really is a party animal, John said. -George? Get on! Paul said. I wonder what heīs up to, anyway?

They all started looking around for George, but they couldnīt find him. "Gotta be goodlooking cause heīs so hard to see" Paul said. "Hey, that might be an idea for another tune", John said.

-Nah, get on, Ringo said. Suddenly a little and very clean man appeared from nowhere. "Hey, whoīs the little old man?" John said.

Poor Ringo, never was his material accepted by the three others...But he had always thought that it was the way to be, after all, where would they be today if all their songs were signed "Starr"? But this time he couldn't take it anymore!

So Ringo decided just to walk away never to come back again."Weīll see what will happen to them without their drummer" he thought. Ringo was really a very kind and good-natured person, but this time he had had just about enough.

"Hey, don't mess with my grandmother", paul said."Grandmother???"John asked. "Don't fool me around Paul, I'm looking through you anyway." "But it is my grandmother!"

Ringo walked and walked and walked......and suddenly someone called his name. "Hey, Ring! What are you up to?" Ringo was very tired and couldnīt quiet tell who it was. But the person calling him was, indeed.....

So Paul and his grandmother, who was very humiliated to be called a man, followed the sun to never come back....until philosofic George said: "Here comes the sun!", and since it already was there, they decided to stay.

back to Paul and his so-called granmother again. "That ainīt yer grandmother!" John said. "Iīve seen yer grandmother! She lives at yer house!" "No, thatīs me other grandmother", Paul said.

I can tell all you curious out there that the little old (man) woman really IS Pauls grandmother. But since I don't want to take all the exitement away, I won't tell you her name.

Just to jump to a totally different thing:The Fabs suddenly remembered that Ringo still was wearing the dreadful sacrifical ring!Oh no!And when they looked up the hill, they saw Liam and Noel coming running, desperate to get the ring that would gvie them Beatles fame and more for ever and ever!!!! The Beatles jumped in a boat and found themselves in a river surrounded with huge cellofane flowers of yellow and green..."I seem to recognize this", John said."You shouldn't", George martin shouted from the bay, "Your memory from those days is supposed to be all blacked-out!!" John didn't like that comment at all, so in spite of all the danger, he jumped out of the boat and ran after Martin.

Paul, John and Ringo (George was still missing) jumped in the water to escape the horried Gallagher brothers. "You are all failures, arenīt you?" Liam shouted, because he was suffering from a sudden attack of schitzophrenia and thought he really was John Lennon. "No mister, we arenīt, Paul shouted, as he was very polite even to the most unpolite man ever (Liam Gallagher.) Then suddenly Ringo remembered something. "I canīt swim!!" He shouted. "You twit, why didnīt ya think of that before?" John asked.

And just as it seemed as the Fabs were really lost in the dark waters, something started to move under the surface. Something big. Something yellow. Something metallic.......It was, indeed, a Yellow submarine!! And who was in it, coming to their rescue?? Well, good ole George Harrison, of course!! "Cīmon lads, get inside!" he shouted.

Being so wonderful and all, George had even brought along Mal, Neil, Sarbarglo, and Young Fred.

"Ooops, sorry guys, I have to go meditating in India with Nicole2 " off they went. "See ya, Guys" "What a chick! the other three said.

The very hidious, stupid, ugly, and retarded looking George Harrison developed breast cancer and died. Then Ringo rejoined the band and wrote "Don't Pass Me By" and "Octopus's Garden ". After he wrote those two wonderful songs, The Beatles told Ringo that he was very intelligent and he should become the leader of the Beatles instead of John. So, Ringo got to be the leader of the music group and his wife Diana was very proud to be married to such a fantastic, handsome, and talented man and Ringo was very happy to be married to such a beautiful woman.

...and then the person who wrote the last nightmare woke up and everyone realized thet the lovely, talented and very philosophical indeed George Harrison was fit as a fiddle (in the words of Macca) and did NOT have breast cancer. The beatles were still in the Yellow Submarine, with the Gallagers left on the shore. "Where are we off to?" Paul asked.

"We are going to the place of no return!!" shouted the driver with an evil grin. "Ok, tell me when we get there." said George as he settled down for a nap.

The Yellow Submarine sailed for days and days. "Are we there yet??" whined Paul as JohnandLauren were practicing a new song. "Ringo, come here!!" JohnandLauren yelled to Ringo. "We need your help!!!" So Ringo went over and helped them get a beat. They were having a great time when the submarine stopped suddenly. "We're here!!" said the weird looking driver as George stretched from his little nap. "Come on, stop lurking about!!" screeched the driver (who we shall call Maxwell). So they got off in duty trail behind Maxwell. They found themselves in a ploace no one had ever seen before. The guy named Maxwell pulled out a silver hammer when John noticed and screamed "Hault! I know who you are, you bloody bloke! I wrote a song about you, you murderer!" Then Paul turned around. "What the hell jingle bell?" He then saw the guy with the silver hammer. George turned around without a sound. Maxwell had his eyes on that girl standing next to John. (luckily) Then John motioned to George (behind Maxwell) to take the damned hammer out of his hands before he poked someone's eyes out. He grabbed it and "Clank Clank Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon his own head, Clang clang maxwell's silver hammer, now he is really dead!" John had a fit! "I just said to take it out of his hands, not to kill the fellow. Oh well, we'll just say the girl did it. Let's go!"

Out popped a woman who called herself JUDE, and she stopped the Beatles from escaping. "Whoa, you ain't going anywhere. I saw what you did George. And the only way you are going to get out of this mess is if you four Beatles COME TOGETHER at my place, and lose the girls." The girls were furious, "Who died and made you queen? These are our guys." But the Beatles didn't mind, they thought Jude was babelicious! "I'm game, let's go..." Paul rushed to Jude and held her tight. "There's a place, where we can go," Jude sang out and lifted the guys into the skies. "Groovy. I've always imagined there's no heaven, and I was right, above us is only sky. Cool beans" John (the hunky one) said.

"Woah!!" Ringo yelled. "What's the matter with you guys??" He was wondering why John was leaving his beloved Lauren and Paul was leaving his beloved whoever for this old hag Jude. George whispered to Ringo "I saw her slip something into their cokes." "Ah-ha!!" Ringo said. "So how do we get it to stop working??" George replied "It's very easy, just tear off her mask because she's actually Yoko!!" So Ringo tore off her mask and John and Paul got their senses back. Then they returned to the submarine and saw Lauren and whoever there waiting for them. "I knew I could rely on you!!" whoever said to Paul. "Where are we off to now??" asked John. "Let's make a movie!!!" Paul said. So they went off, and made a movie. Then they went home. But while they were sleeping, Paul thought he saw a ghost. So he started screaming like a girl the way he always does. Everyone woke up with a start. "What is it?? What's the matter??" asked George. But Paul would not answer. Then the others saw it. It was the ghost of the original Paul!!! "How could you replace me with this retard??" he asked, gesturing towards Paul 2 who was now crouched on the floor sobbing.

Ya, well first of all, Paul 1 choked Paul 2 and took his body so everyone is happy and no one tries to pin something fake on Paul. Second of all, Why the hell does every story that talks about Yoko say she's an alien???? Don't answer that--It makes sense. And on with this wierdo tall tale...


"Right. On your way!!" said a lady to Ringo. "Wha??" he asked,bewildered. "You heard me!! On your way. Troublemaker." said the lady. So he left.

After John's announcement that Paul was infact dead and replaced by William Campbell in an elaborate scheme of world domination, Yoko and Linda also made an announcement. They were lesbian lovers. This afectted matters in the studio little except for George like watching Yoko and Linda, you know. So Paul(William Campbell) and John decided that maybe they needed new wifes. So they waited and waited and waited until 1994 when they married Kathy Ireland and Pamela Anderson. By this time Yoko had been shot in the back of the head while in New York City. Everybody cheered very joyously. John had put out 10 albums included such songs as Give Prunes a Chance, Warm Bolognia, and Feeling the Tires.CAUTION: This passage was written illegally by Justin Barnum. He broke British law section 202, paragraph 519 which specifically says you can not mention the name John or Spanky without written permission from the British government.CAUTION: This last sentence has broken British law section 202, paragraph 519 which says You can't mention the name John or Slappy withou...This last sentence fragment has broken British law section 202, paragraph 519 which says...*beep* Went interupt this story for an entirely more stupid story...

Ringo walked and walked. Nobody recognized him because he was disguised. But this girl came up to him and said "You're Ringo Starr!!!" and he thought she must be very perceptive to be able to tell it was him. The girl said "Will you introduce me to Paul?" and Ringo said OK. So she got to meet Paul and Paul decided to drop Jane and go out with this girl (whos name was Rachel). Then they got married. JohnandLauren went to the wedding. John was the best man and Lauren was the maid of honor. Even YokoandNoko came. And of course Ringo and George and their girlfriends.

But what Paul didn't tell Rachel was that he was already married to JUSTINE. What a polygamist. Justine was just the beginning. Add another 62 wives ranging from Annie to Zedane and you'd almost have every wife named.

Paul's other super secret that he dared tell no one was that he served southern fried chicken the other night at an informal get together at his house. I know, because I was there. I had a breast and a leg while Paul sat on what I thought was a very dingy-looking davenport for a millionaire -- eating some rice and a leg. No vegetarianism for this chap-- he's a meat and potatoes guy all the way. Anyway he makes no secret of his womanizing -- he thought his chicken was so good he expected me to pay for it -- but not in dollars or pounds, if you get my drift. I love Paul, but I took the next flight back to Tampa the next day.

Just to make sure that the main story don't get all confused and lost, lets get back to the heppenings. The mean and terribly ugly Gallagher brothers continued their chase and ran up on the Fabs in their own submarine (although not as yellow as the Beatles). Paul, who was in the middle of a serious conversation with some babies in black, was the first one to spot them. Well, John was standing 2 feet next to the brothers, but he refused to wear his glasses in front of the girls. -Look out, Johnnie, Paul shouted. -Ah, girl, girl, John whispered, followed by a terrified breathe in (the oasis were REALLY mean looking).

The Gallaghers, who wanted to live forever by stealing Ringos sacrificial ring (which Ringo had decided to keep ater all, although the film HELP never let us know that) were now certain that they would be bigger then the Beatles. In fact, Noel had already done a bit of celebrating and was now in a Champagne Supernova. Paul and John, however, were as bright as ever and reacted quickly. They run to a nearby road just in time to stop a big Charabanc, which was taking people on trips from Liverpool to Blackpool. "Hey, stop the coach!" John shouted. "Let us in!!"

Then Ringo and his wife Diana said that they wanted to have just one name like JohnandLauren, so they became RingoandDiana. And not only did Paul have secrets, but George did too. His deep dark secret was that he was gay!!!! And what the Beatles thought was George's girlfriend, was actually Elton John is disguise!!!!!!!! RingoandDiana and JohnandLauren had noticed something wrong with George's date at Paul( not William Campbell) , but didn't say anything because they didn't want to hurt George's feelings. But, YokoandNoko didn't care about George's feelings so they told George that they new about his secret and were going to tell everyone. So then George quit the Beatles and joined Oasis.

...and then someone came to take the author of the above to the mental hospital, for obvious reasons. The Beatles carried on as before, without any gals named Diana and CERTAINLY without Elton John. The Fabs were about to get on the charabanc to go on a Magical Mystery Tour.

"By the way", John said. "This is a most exiting adventure, but I wish that the authors would stop making dumb comments about our sexual life etcetera. If you MUST write about it, do make it interesting, please!" The other fabs agreed, and George added "I will never ever join Oasis, and thatīs the end of it."

John looked around at the other Beatles and said, "I just can't go on with Yoko. It was the same way with Cynthia. What I really need is..." his voice broke off as he caught a glimpse of the beautiful young woman walking down the road. "Hey wait a minute," he cried, "I must have your name!" He began to run until he caught up to the girl. He took her hand in his, and asked her to accompany him back to his room. She willingly went, for she was a big fan of Lennon. After a few days, he asked for her to marry him, and so it was. The new wife was Kimberly Renee Ward-Lennon.

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts " said John.

"See them all standing in a row" said Paul. "Big ones, small ones some as big as your head" said Ringo. "Yeah but not as big as your nose " said George. "Stop it, your always picking on me, thats it I'm leaving the band". "Oh don't be silly son we were only joshing with you kid" said John. "Oh, thats alright then" said Ringo.

While John, Yoko, Cynthia and others were trying to figure out what was going on with this Kim girl, a time machine with Paul, George and Ringo came and kidnapped John too. They then went back to the mid-seventies where several children of various ages are standing or sitting. First their was a little boy named Lars Ulrich who an angel-like being told Paul that the lad really was his son and that he would have to take responsiblity of him now, but this lad would go on to become the drummer for a metal band named "Mettalica". Next George is pointed to a young lad with dark hair, thick eyebrows, and a big mouth (he's quite noisy and likes to whine). The angel-like creature says that the lad's name is Willy Gallagher and George had met his mother (who is into gardening and looked a bit like George's mum) back in 1971 around Christmas after the Bangladesh concert. Now George would have to take responsiblity for this child who had two older brothers and was a product of a short affair between George and the boy's mum Peggy Gallagher. George is told his son will sing in a band when he's in his 20's too, but will sing much more like John than George, eventhough their normal voices will sound exactly the same. John is brought over to this wee girl who can barely walk yet but he is told that she is the product of a brief reconciliation he'd had with Cynthia in 1973 while he was "temporarily separated" from Yoko and was supposedly just visiting Julian. The little girl's name is Jewel and she was the child he'd secretly told Cynthia to either abort of give up for adoption, but she had named the child Jewel so that she'd sound like her brother's name. John is told Jewel will become a singer because "there was just something in her that made her want to compose and sing". Ringo is brought over to a child too but his child would never become rich and famous, just probably indescript and hardly worth mention. The main point is that all of the four guys would have to pay for (or at least become aware of) the children they created while curousing with too many women in the 60's and 70's.

Then all four guys exclaimed "Oh what a grotty mess we've gotten ourselfs into!" They took the crying tykes with them and put them onto the Magical Mystery Tour bus, which unfortunately Bevis And Butthead had accidently boarded while making their movie but didn't want to leave. So with the crying tykes and Bevis and Butthead on the bus it seemed more like it should be called the Magical Mysery tour instead. Little Willy Gallagher, George's son, though soon stopped crying because he was too intriguied by Bevis and Butthead's antics and began joining them in their put downs of everyone. Then Willy said to George "Daaad you ol' tosspot, can I shave my head and called myself Liam so I can get all the chicks and score!" "I don't think so son. You are getting too influenced by those Bevis and Butthead lads who are too rude. Plus anyhow that's how you came about anyhow. Here why don't you listen to my album Wonderwall and then we can chant harekrishnas togetha after thaat. alright son." George said then when into a self induced trance.

Suddenly one of the 5 magicians from the sky turned the the bus driver into a giant banana and ringo too, who were both wearing blue and white pajamas. The babanas said that their names were B1 and B2 and they were looking for rat in a hat and the teddies to chase down the bus stairs. Suddenly several guys in multicolored shirts and sitars got on the bus. Most of the Beatles thought that they were all from the 60's era but they said "No we're from the 90's and we're called Kula Shakur". Then Chrispan Mills asked George and Ringo aka. B2 if his band could steal the organ chord from "Strawberry Fields Forever" in their song "Taatvaa". George okayed it because they were into Indian music and religion too, but Paul and John got mad because they had written "Strawberry Fields" not George, so he had no right to give permission for another band to use a song that he did not write. Then all the guys got angry with eachother and dumped the crying tykes, especially Willy or "Liam", back off to the families they'd lived with up until then. They then broke up and Paul went to Linda and his real family, George went back to Olivia and became a recluse, Ringo went into children's tv as a train conductor and pajama clad banana, John went back to Yoko but vanished in a puff of smoke in the movie "The Crow" with Bruce and Brandon Lee. John's son Julian married the "english" girl from the "Single Guy" TV show, Olivia d'Abo. And Sean married me and we lived a happy productive life on a farm in Ohio, far away from the glitz and glamour of fame and we had wonderful Christian children, while his mum was mad for me converting him.

Then JohnandLauren decided to go buy a boat and start a cruise line. They called it "The Lennon express." They invited all the other Beatles and their wives and girlfriends to sail with them. They sailed all around the world. Everything was great until suddenly Ringo fell out of the boat!! He had been trying to take pictures of some dolphins. "We'll save you!!!" JohnandLauren cried as they jumped into the water. George jumped in after them to help them. "Wait for me!!!" yelled Paul as he jumped in too, he thought it was a game. Ringo was splashing around in the water shouting that he couldn't swim. So JohnandLauren swam towards him and helped him keep his head above the water. But then they noticed that the boat was leaving them behind. "Stop!! Stop!!" yelled George, but to no avail. The boat was disappearing into the horizon.

And then Georgie woke up. Nicole2, I just had the most terrible nightmare. We broke up and I was back with that HIDEOUS Olivia. I'ts OK, We'll always be together and so they meditated *almost* all night long.....

George and Nicole2 had an Indian-style wedding. On the guest list were Ringo and girlfriend JohnandLauren Paul and whoever. Lauren from Johnan dLauren was the bridesmaid.

Then John, Ringo, Paul and George all woke up. What a horrible boring nightmare! they all screamed. I can't believe such an incredible amount of crap that we all dreamed. "Thank god it's over, now we can go back to being performing fleas" John said. Then all the Beatles went back to the BULLSHIT of their daily lives. THE END (ihope)

Author's Note: sorry 'bout that up in the last paragraph- I think must have taken over my body for a couple seconds (or maybe it was yoko ono) well, it doesn't matter does it? all we know is some loser really has no sense of humour. Oh, well, on with the story.... Everyone was at George and Nicole 2's wedding. Ringo and Nicole and JohnandLauren and...

Paul and whoever. But then Paul had a great realization. "hey! why do you all have particular girlfriends and I'm ALWAYS stuck with whoever?" he yelled even louder ONCE AGAIN at John. "Well, i don't know ya stupid get" John said. "hey man, all you need is love" George said to John. "sorry Paul, you're not stupid, infact, I LOVE YOU MAN!!!" "uh, john, please don't touch me there" paul screamed. "oh, sorry" john replied. "i forgot i have lauren!" "YEAH, and i don't have ANYONE!!" paul was discuraged "Don't despair," Ringo said. I have a PERFECT idea...

"Man, whoever just wrote that last paragraph needs to get a bloody life!" mumbled John. "Yeah man. I know what you mean. That person is really getting off the topic of our Beatles Adventure Story." replied Paul. "Geez, and the other person who wrote that I needed another voice, well, I know that she was just kidding. Remember everyone, this whole story is just one big joke." splurted Ringo. "Uh-huh. And what is this pally-wag about me being dead?" Snapped George angrily. Now that the beatles were back in america, they could fiddle around and be goofy like always. "Hmm..have you ever wondered what it was like to be in a shoe?" asked John. "No, not really. But I suppose that it would be quite amusing", answered Paul. "Lets give it a try. Lets get real small and go into Ringo's shoe!" Purposed John. "Alright then. Off we go." And with a snap of their fingers, John, Paul, George, and Ringo shrunk so they were no bigger than grass-hoppers. But there was one minor glitch, their clothes had stayed big and the beatles were naked!! But John, being the secure one, had no problem with being un-clothed. Paul, one the otherhand, wrapped himself in a gum-wrapper, George wrapped himself in tissue, and Ringo covered himself with peanut-butter and jelly. (he-he) So, off they went into ringo's shoe. (paragraph written by Blue Jay Way (a.k.a the 1st day tripper).

"We can break up YokoandNoko and YOU CAN HAVE YOKO!!!" everyone looked at Ringo as if he'd gone mad, which he might very well have gone, had that *beautiful* girl Annie ( mentioned in chapters 2 and 3) not showed up. "This is who I have been waiting for ALL my life!!!!!" Paul had another realization, and forgot ALL of his previous girlfriends (that would take ALOT of forgetting) and asked Beautiful Annie if she would marry him on the spot. "YESSSSSS" she said, and Paul was soooo in love with her that they decided to have a double wedding with George and Nicole 2. After everyone was married, they all decided to go to India where none other than...

So, back to the story in Ringo's shoe. Ringo's wife Diana also came along, but before she shrunk herself, she bought some doll clothes and wore that. No one else knew that John(and I guess I can let Lauren be in there too)andLauren and George and ( why not just put everyone's girlfriends in here!) Nicole2 and RingoandDiana, and Paul and whoever where in the shoe. So, some crazy fans saw the shoe. "Ohmygosh!" said fan1," It's Ringo Starr's shoe!!!!" "Let's keep it as a suvonier," said fan2. So they took the shoe home with the Beatles and their wives and girlfriands in there. . .

"EXCUSE ME!!!!!" Paul screamed angrily at the stupid person who just wrote the last paragraph. "IT'S NOT PAUL AND WHOEVER ANYMORE, IT'S PAUL AND ANNIE, OKAY??? GET IT THRU YOUR THICK SCULL??" "wow, paul must be pretty mad" john observed "yeah, he hasn't been that mad since you stole his honey pie that time, John" George said loud enough for Paul to hear.. Paul had almost forgotten about the honey pie incident, but now George with his big mouth had ruined it all. "Good one!" John yelled at George just as Paul...

John Lennon cried that morning. He awoke to the sound of a suffering world in which he lived. He knew that he was going to die that day, and he UNDERSTOOD it. He wouldn't try to change it, because he couldn't. John Lennon died, has died, and always will die on that day. He knew that every moment in his life lasts forever so he is never really dead. No one is ever really dead. We are all just existing for all of time. It has all already happened. We only see our lives in tiny little moments, so we can't see the big picture. John Lennon is alive, I am dead, Lennon is dead, I'm alive, the person reading this right now is dead, I haven't been born yet. All this is happening right now and forever. John Lennon laughed that evening. He knew what was to come, but he didn't care.

Ok whatever. Now back to the story. Paul just started screaming at everything. "Wow, he's pissed. What did we do Paulie?" John asked. "DON'T CALL ME PAULIE!!!Only Annie can call me that!!!!" He screamed again. Then Annie said to Paul "We can work it out. Don't worry" Paul stopped screaming and looked at her. "Hmmmm... We can work it out. Sounds like a gear idea for a new song. Thanks luv!" So Paul and John went off to the other side of the boot where there was a piano (don't ask why) and made the rest of the song up. Then one of the fans that had taken the boot reached in and grabbed...

Paul!!!! "PAULEY!!!!!" Annie screamed, and started to cry. "PAULEY!!!" John screamed, to which Paul replied "ONLY ANNIE CAN CALL ME THAT YOU STUPID GET!!" "oh, yeah,sorry" John screamed back. but just then, the fan started walking away with Paul, and Annie started crying even more. "don't worry," George put his arm around her, trying to comfort her, but Nicole 2 thought they were having an affair, and jumped out of the boot, just as...

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Last updated on May 14, 1998