Bagism: Library

In Our Own Write - Chapter 8

In Our Own Write is an interactive story YOU create. But don't worry, you won't have to write the whole thing yourself. You can can contribute as much or as little as you'd like. The idea is to build on whatever was written before, a little at a time. The specifics of the story is completely up to you, but the main theme should have something to do with John Lennon.

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One day Martha, Bungalow Bill, and Rocky Raccoon decided to take a walk. It wasn't long before they found themselves in Strawberry Fields. Martha said to Rocky and Bill, "You know this a place where nothing is real and there is really nothing to get hung about." "Martha, you're not a girl who misses much," Rocky replied.

"what the...." paul woke up from his nightmare in a cold sweat. he looked around the dimly lit room to see his other 3 mates. "what's wrong?" john asked. "AAAHHHHHHHH" paul screamed "but you're DEAD!!!!!" "no i'm not, you silly bastard" john replied. "oh, it must have been a dream" paul realized. he looked at ringo "you were there, too, Ring" he said "I was?" ringo asked feeling important "yeah, you were telling a really dumb story about my dog and some guy called rocky racoon, it was really stupid" paul said "oh" ringo said. "was i in it?" george asked expectantly "no, i don't think so" paul said. george felt left out so he decided to.... (CONTINUE!!!)


So John, Paul, George, Ringo and their transparent friend Zeke, got lots of beer and hoagies and went to Disneyland. John even got his picture taken with Minnie Mouse! Then they went somewhere else and got really drunk.

They were so drunk that they accidentally staggered onto a beach and fell in the water. But Super-Lauren saved them!

Meanwhile, Robin Hood and little John were milking beavers. At the same time, Paul blew his brains out in his car -- William Cambel then got a phone call ---

"Thanx you Lauren!" yelled super walking away happily. ;) *I have a dinosaur named Erinie! everyone say hi to Ernie!*

what the hell is going on?!

Well, what was going on was George felt left out because Paul couldn't remember if he was in his dream or George ran away to Disneyland. Paul said "Let him cool off in the HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH!" So John said, "What was the dream Paulie?" "Well," Paul said, " I dreamt that we were this band called the Beatles, with an A. IMAGINE that?? We can't even read music??" "So, tell us more," John said. Paul continued "Well, we conquered the world and everyone loved us. But then the horrible 70's came and made us break up. Then people thought we were fighting for years and we had to go along with it because the 70's made us!! Then the 80's came and I thought it would be better....but the 80's only brought about a NEW quasi-adult Michael Jackson!! It was sooooo scary!! He had a new nose and a new skin color ....and worst of all...OUR SONG RIGHTS!!!" "Dear GOD!! NOOO!" shouted John. "It gets worse!!"Paul announced. "You died John!! A crazy man killed you in front of your appartment! It was horrible and I missed you so much...all of you! Oh, it was horrible living without you guys. We must get George back!" Just then George walked back in. "I couldn't leave you." George said. "We are brothers and I love you all too much." "I love you too, George." Paul said, "It was a horrible dream. And now that I think about it, you were in it." "Really?" asked George. "Really" Paul said. "Yes, it was a strange place. And some of it wasn't very nice, but most of it was beautiful. But just the same all I lept saying to everyone was 'I want to go home'and they sent me home. Oh, but i doesn't matter because, Martha, we're home. And this is my room and I'm never going to leave here ever again, because I love you all... And, oh Martha, there's no place like Liverpool!"

Well, that's a neat ending to a story. So much that I almost didn't want to add on. Unfortunately, i still wanna write stories about the beatles. so....

So back to the drawing board! John, Paul, George and Ringo decided to set off on a new adventure. THIS time, they decided to take a nice warm vacation in the Bahamas. (Gee, THAT'S a novel idea!) So there they were, sitting round in their tight (VERY tight) t-shirts, just sitting round, when all of a sudden....

Jaina pops in and spirts away John. *It wasn't COMPLETELY her fault, John kinda wanted to be spirted away.* So anyway, Paul, George and Ringo decide they must go retrive John because they have a record to finish so the go to Penny Lane and start asking everyone, (The barber, the nurse, the fireman, etc.) if they'd seen John. No one had and they were getting depressed untill suddenly....

So then Paul clicked his red, shiny, shoes (which resembled something Micheal Jackson would wear) 3 times and suddenly they were on a stage with Ed Sullivin! "What the fook are we doing here?" George cried out. John, looking at the screaming birds, said, "Who cares? They're in love with me and I feel fine." Then Ringo laughed that weird laugh that you can hear, but never figure out whose laughing it, in A Hard Day's Night. "Paul, you silly lad, look at your feet!" Paul looked down in horror and thought that Ringo now knew about the ron-day-voo he'd had with Micheal Jackson. Paul dashed across the stage and picked up a drumstick, which proceded to get shoved down Ringo's throat. "That'll teach him! That little bugger!" But George heard this and got mad at Paul for beating up on his mate! "Paul... you stuuuuuuuupid bastard" and he charged across the stage. While Paul and George wrestled and Ed laughed, John found a oriental, dragon lady and went off with her to look at her big Ringo stood there with the drumstick down his throat thinking, "Well, it takes the attention away from my nose, now don't it?" George and Paul stopped and said, "You're right." They looked aound and asked, "Hey, where'd John go?" "Maybe he shrunk!" Paul said, still pissed over his recent trauma being naked on the floor of an apartment with people trying to paint him red. (Hey, I would be pissed about that too!) Well, just then all the girls got quiet because they looked at George and were stunned by his unbelievable looks.Too bad good old George wasn't at his best moment then. He was yelling at Paul, "Get those damned shoes off! You'll ruin everything!" "Well, you don't do anything anyway. So sod off, man!" "You sod off! Where'd you get those grati shoes anyway? I wouldn't be seen dead in those!" "Not even to meet Susan?" "Not even to meet Susan!" "How about to go visit your wonderful dentist, Dr. Robert?" "Well... will he give me some of those wonderful sugar cubes again?" "No, but he's always ready for you to fill that rain cheack you & John gave him on that orgi!" "Fook you, Paul! Gimme those damned shoes!" "No! My feet smell! All the girls will run away from me and then I could only get some from Dr. Robert!" "I don't care. Gimme the shoes!" Just then the shoes went flying off and hit those evil lads Laim and Noel in the nose. Then THEIR noses got big- bigger than Ringo's. Ringo laughed at them until he started to choke on the drumstick. "This would be better if it were a chicken drumstick. It could get better.... all the time. Hey, by George-" "Huh, Ring?" "oh no. Not you. I've got it! The next song." "O.K. but your name can't go on it." "As usual." Ringo then went back to staring at the ceiling. So then Laim and Noel walked onto the stage and said, "Hey! Now we're even MORE like the Beatles! Hey man, we're bigger than the Beatles!" Then all the girls began to scream again. They booed Oasis! (Good for them. Oasis sucks!) "The only thing about you bigger than the Beatles are your egos!" One girl cried. Another one said that their noses were bigger too.Well, then John came back with Dragon Lady after doing it in the road and taking a picture of it for their new albulm, which would be released in a paper bag. John, Dragon Lady, Ed, George, and Paul (still with one shoe on) beat up Laim and Noel until they promised never, ever to try to be the Beatles again! (Yeah!) So then the Beatles said, "Hey, we all are mates." And an American heard and said, "I thought you guys were straight." And then John broke his ribs because he thought the guy had called him a fairy, but then they all hugged. George said to John, "I love you man." And John said, "You're not gettign my Bud Light!" (because poor George was only 14 and too young to buy beer in Hamburg.) (But old enough to drive in Idaho.) Dinner time! And they all ran an off the stage. But then Linda came to get Dorothy's shoe back from Paul and Paul saw her sneaking in the bathroom window and he (continue........)

Hey, that last part was supposed to go above those other two paragraphs when Paul was saying, "There's no place like Liverpool."


Then Beatlechild walked in, kicking this pathetic story a few times to see if it still has a pulse......and it doesn't. Shaking her head she tries to repair the broken-winged bird.....

So John, Paul, George, and Dingo were sitting in a hotel room, talking to Brian Epstein. Then Neil and Mal wandered in. "Hey Mal," George asked, "could you bring me a...... wanted a girl named Kiri, their old old friend for liverpoool...

Btu then they all got up to go look for the wholy Rail so they could slide down it.

Hal said, "Sorry, lad, but no one can find her. She disappeared three years ago." "You're joking! She was a good bird," and George started to cry. "Now, now George, you can't dwell on......." Suddenly a large needle came through the ceiling and stabbed Paul in the leg shrinking him to about 2 inches high. "Paul? Paul? Where did you go Paul? Hey, Ringo! Have you seen Paul anywhere? I think he's gone off and gotten himself lost,"said John. "Don't ask me, I'm trying to get this giant red ruby ring off of my finger."

But actually the ruby red ring was the spirit of love, and the darned thing just won't leave poor old John alone. Back to the two inch tall paul. Unfortunately for Paul, they don't make collarless suits for two inch tall men, and so he had to wander around naked = 0. Oh my goodness, what will paul do? He must be not naked when Linda's parents come to meet him! (Not being two inches tall would help too)

George heard a loud crunch beneath him and gasped loudly. "Paul?!" he cried. Ringo picked up a crushed pretzel from beneath George's foot. "No," Ringo replied, munching away. "Find Paul! Give him a piece of magic Chewing gum, then he'll be all right!" said John.

So Paul was walking around naked on the floor when he saw a little cookie that said "eat me" on it. So he ate it. And he grew tall again. Just one problem. He had eaten the cookie when he was far away from his suit so he didn't grow into it. "Oogh, Paul!!" Ringo said, covering his eyes. George just stared intently. John said, "you know, that's a good idea..." and he wandered away with Yoko. Paul rushed to put on some clothes, but he kept growing and growing!! He couldn't fit!!! What will he do?? :0o

All of a sudden, Beatlechild's perverted best friend Britawater appeared at the front door and started furiously taking photographs. Paul blushed. After word got out that Paul was butt naked and growing like a weed, a thousand girls would be at his door! "There's only one thing to do," John said, "and that's to....

eat this cookie and see what happens" john explained. the enormous (by now) paul bent down and took the tiny cookie from john. he shrunk about one foot. "that's not good enough" he screamed i still can't fit into me clothes, and look, all the girls are staring at me" paul blushed redder than a ripe tomatoe. george just kept staring at him. but just then Linda came walking down the street with her parents. "that is the guy you're going to marry?" Lee Eastman pointed at the buck-naked tall paul. "oh my god paul! what the hell are you doing??!!??" Linda yelled. "mmm, not a bad ass, Lin" linda's mum said. "MUM!!!!" linda yelled. just then paul bent down and said...

"Why, eh, thank you." Linda slapped her hand over her forehead....but then realizing what a great sight she was missing, she pulled out a camera and snapped some photos. "Woo woo, go Paul! Eight days a week, baby!" Mrs. Eastman cried. And then, as all the girls within 6 blocks stared intently at poor naked Paul, George reached into his pocket and pulled out a..... lamp a magical lamp George rubed the lamp and the Beautiful geine Kiri came out She said george you have three wishes. George wished for Paul to put some clothes on, and for a new sitar, his last wish was I Kiri could become human again so they could be great.....

friens. yes. so george went off with kiri, but as soon as Paul got some clothes on, Mrs Eastman tore them of and continued with her catclling "work it baby work it, ohhh, go Pauley Baby" Linda was getting quite fed up with her mother (Lee was so angry he went out for lunch with alan klein, of all people) and so linda decided all this must stop. so she....
killed Alan kien. Mean While Kiri and George were..

walking around.

They walked right into a wall. "Ow" they said.

John Lennon was a great music artist that everyone loved and enjoyed listening to. With his tragic death people were morning on the streets. After the shock Yoko Ono was always still in mourning and constintly wore black clothing w/ sunglasses.

All of a sudden Nicole2 went up to George and Kiri went away.......

But that's top be left unnoticed by poor, attention deprived Ringo. ACT III, SCENE VIII [we find ringo looking mopey and depressed, as does Yoko. The disturbing images of naked paul, and dressed paul have left our minds. instead we focus now on........................... other things.] [WARDDROBE: Ringo is clothed in a bright beaded shirt and jeans. yoko's in black] [we open on an image of a bass drum, and pull back to reveal the whole set, and a depressed drummer.]

He started to beat out a loud, steady beat.

and then someone wandered in the room and watched Ringo play. It was cyn from bagism. "what's wrong, then" the totally sympethetic, great person he was, Ringo was concerned. "Poor thing, you're shaking" he said. you see, cyn had an evil step sister named Malificent who had told all of cyn's friends that cyn was pretending to besomeone she wasn't, just to get everyone exited. and everyone did get exited. the plan worked. malificent was well aware that they would soon find out the address and assume that cyn was mean, and pretending to be paul's daughter. so now, cyn was too scared to go and talk to her friends in the cool chatroom. she was scared that they all still thought it was her, not her evil step sister malificent who was messing with their minds. so cyn (who was shaking) came in to "in our own write" instead of "chat" because she was scared. "what's wrong, luv" ringo shook cyn. she looked at him. "i hate my sister. now all my friends hate me" and she burst out crying.

All of a sudden john walks in. He says "Why is everyone in such a down mood?" NO one understands and think it's just Paul acting sooooooo stupid like he always does trying to make John still alive. Ringo replies "Paul, get over it you dumb ass. It's not funny anymore and it's painful to think of John." "Oh Ringo but what's wrong? Why's it painful I've never done anything to you?" "Paul, I sait STOP IT!" "But I';m not Paul I'm John" Ringo then walks over to "John" (thinking it's Paul) and starts to tug on his beard and hair. "What are you doing? you idiot" "Nothing I was just............ (speachless)


As all the little children contributed their ideas to the virtual story an idea struck them. "Look at us," they all said to themselves. "We're pathetic. This was supposed to be taken seriously and instead we're making a mockery, adding assinine comments that don't make sense." But then the great one, Sam, emerged from the clouds. "My children," he said in a loud booming voice, "please heed my advice: don't add any more to this's to long and convuluted and serves no purpose." And with Sam's god-like wisdom, the group ceased. The story was finished and it was no more. And then the world exploded leaving only the thoughts of a tiny lonely hydrogen atom, floating in the darkness towards a deep purple sky once known as Bagism.

John slaps Ringo in the face and knocks some sense into him. "AYE DE MI" Ringo screams (which means Oh my gosh in Spanish) it really is John. Ringo drops to his knees sobbing. "How could I ever have doubted you?" He cries. Just then Paul walks in... "see Ringo, I told you so!" he says.

John said, "what's all this stuff about me being dead?? I thought Paul was dead!!" "Hey!!" Paul exclaimed, "I resent that!!"

"John?" a voice asked. John turned around to a familiar voice."Ashley? What are you doing here?""We were in town." she casually replied. "I'm sorry I never returned,I was temporarily blinded and I could not see the truth that you are my soul mate and Meg and Lauren are just previous loves.""But John-" Paul protested "You said-" "Never mind what I said then Paul!Now shut up!" And Paul did. Meanwhile Ringo was very confused because a few minutes ago they had been talking about being dead and heavenly apparitions named Sam. He turned to George but,seeing the finger up his nose decided to remain silent until he had a chance to speak."I'm confused"he said,"Is anyone here dead for the last freakin' time?" "NO!"Everyone answered at the same time.Now they went back to deciding what to do. "We could tour the world as 'Lt.Salt's Happy Kidneys Group Orchestra'." Paul offered. But everyone agreed it would be just plain dumb.Ashley suggested that they could host a "tour" entitled "Magical Mystery Tour" which everyone had to agree to or else John would beat them to a bloody pulp.( Paul just had to document the whole thing on film and publish it and ruin the whole exciting idea because it turned out to get very bad reviews but was cherished by fans years to come.)When they had finished singing about walruses and blue jays they came back to England refreshed.Just as they got off the plane,though, who should they run into but...Noel Gallagher! (again!) (Note:Please keep Ashley in here because she and John truly love each other and there is nobody that can deny that. I at least tried to let Meg and Lauren down gently:)) (Continue)

:) ;) 000:) :0 :D

stacy very nicely and pointedly slipped ashley and john a hotel room key. ashley started to lead john out of the room. "wait!" he exclaimed. "wouldn't be a story without me now would it?" george looks up from his sitar and says quietly in that quiet way of his "i'd be quite prepared for that eventuality." "no one asked you, carl." john replied. "oh, back to the hamburg days, eh, LONG JOHN?" "well it is a long john, don't you think?" john said proudly. "please say no more," paul rolled his eyes disgustedly. "WAIT JUST A BLOODY SECOND! EVERYONE ALWAYS IGNORES ME AND GEORGE!" george glares at ringo. "speak for yourself," he says, but no one hears him. a long silence follows. to break the silence, john yells "LISTEN, DOO WAH DOO, DO YOU WANT TO HOLD A PENIS," "certainly not yours," paul sighed. suddenly, out of nowhere, stu appears. "STU!" everyone yells. "you're flat," paul mutters bitterly. Stu very cooly ignores him, because he knows that paul is jealous of his good looks, although paul is not short on good looks at all. "Where's Astrid?" john asks, narrowing his eyes. "oh, her. forget her. i've devoted myself to the band." stu declares. "I play bass!!" paul yelled, irritated. "besides, you're flat," he muttered again. "i'll be a roadie," stu said, happily. george, being the youngest, looked at stacy. "here," he said, smiling sheepishly at her. he gave her a hotel key and told her to meett dhani there in an hour. extremely excited, stacy scampered out of the room, turning the story over to someone else, because she had way better things to do now that she had a hotel key and dhani waiting for her...

So Stu was back with the Beatles, but he took Astrid with him because she's great. One day while they were practicing Lauren walked in. "What are you doing here Lauren??" asked John worriedly. "It's not about Ashley, is it??" "No you silly goose!!" replied Lauren. "You forget that when we broke up I got married to John Stanley so I don't need to be let down gently!!" "Oh!" John said, relieved. "So why are you here??" asked Paul. "Because I've been sent to bring you yet another assignment!!" Lauren said. "Oh gear, time to do a bit of work!!" said Ringo, clapping his hands. "So what's the assignment??" George asked.

"well" lauren began, and then she dissapeared into a puff of smoke. "oh, well" Paul said "John always did have the worst taste in women" John looked up from where he was stringing his guitar "what did ya say, macca?" he asked, sounding quite annoyed. "well, i'll prove it to you" paul siad. "come to the window with me" so they stood by the window, and looked at all the people passing by on the street. "now, do you think she'ds pretty" paul asked pointing to a beautiful girl who kindof resembled Annie "she's alright" john said "ALRIGHT??" George screamed "she'd the most beautiful thing i've ever laid eyes on" George was gone to get her (George got into a lot of trouble with Paul, later when he found out that, in fact, the girl WAS Annie) but anyway, back to the story. "hey, that guys kinda cute" ringo pointed at a man standing on the corner. "oh, shut up, Ring, you're sounding as bad as Brian, besides, i'm not asking YOU" paul said in his bossy voice. but just then, they were interrupted by john jumping up and down yelling "SHE"S THE ONE!!! SHES so beautiful" paul looked out the window and gagged. he saw a weird looking Japanese lady who was... (CONTINUE!!!)
yoko ono!!!

Nicole 2 and George who were RE RE RE RE RE RE Married were sitting on the floor of an incense filled room.

so they brought yoko up to the room and the first thing john did was have him sing for them, b\c he was most attracted to a woman's musical talent... go figure! and she picked up a pair of bongo drums and began to play them terribly off-beat, and simultaneously screeched as loudly as possible. john covered his ears like he was in pain and fell on the floor writhing. she stopped and looked at him, puzzled. "look, here's the deal," john said after he recovered. "as long as you never 'sing' again, we can hook up.."

That's when Liam's wife steps in and stops the whole thing..."um, guys...didn't you read the FYI a while bax by someone...they were right...who in the hell says that George or John, or Paul for that matter would RERERERERE marry anyone??" *sigh* *walks off*
If nobody bought white cars, it would be a lot easier to spot cops.

Geez!! Oh well. Ok, so the Beatles decided to buy a ticket for a TRIP OF A LIFETIME and they went to Hawaii. They were having a great time, getting a tan and snorkeling when suddenly George popped up from under the water and shouted "Hey!! Look at what I found!!!" Ringo ran over to see. "Awww, it's just a bloomin' book!!" he said, dissapointedly. "Books are good, you can learn from books." John said, coming up behind Ringo. "Yeah, well, this isn't just ANY book, it's a book of (doo bee doo bee dooooooo) magical spells!!!" George shouted. "We could have anything we wanted, fame, fortune, chicks-" "Did you say 'chicks'??" Paul asked eagerly. "We already have those!!" John interrupted.

"So," John said. "What do you want to do now??" The 4 lads were sitting in a circle around the book and staring at each other. "Let's try it out!!" Ringo said. "Right," Paul said, "I'll do it" "Wait a minute, let George, he's the one who found the book!!" John said. George looked up, a huge smile spreading across his face. "Really?? Do ya mean it???" he asked. Paul and John exchanged looks. "Of course I do!!" John said. Ringo then shouted, "WAIT!! I'll be right back!!!" and he ran off. A few minutes later he returned with black robes and pointy hats. "Now we look like wizards!!" he bubbled happily.

so george was just about to make his wish when john announced that he had to go "find the sugar" "whatever" paul muttered, as john walked awy. they were all bored until about half an hour later when john returned with tea for all "talk about magical mysteries- i was half an hour looking for the sugar he he" john said. "ANYWAY" paul cleared his throat loudly, "are you ready to make your wish, george" george nodded...

Just as George was about to utter the magical mysterious words "I wish for"... a bolt of lightning came hurtling up the long and winding road from across the universe. The four Bealtes ran screaming, although singing a lovely version of... yep you gussed it "Blue Jay Way" or "Miss Blue Jay Way" as this author would like it. Will John Paul George and Ringo escape the lightning?

Once upon a little thyme there was a little crazy man named Charlie Manson. And this Charlie named Charlie of a man thought he was beyond man and considered himself God. And he was not alone in this thought. So did Sadie, Katie, Leslie, Tex and the other "family" members. And so in the year 1968 the listened happily and merrily to "The White Album". But alas Charlie thought there was more to the songs and took them in a wrong way. So he felt it was his duty to kill off the white establishment and the "pigs". And so hey did. Very cruelly and morbidly. After being caught and threatening America's justice system, he went on trial. He wanted to represent himself and would have liked to call his own witnesses. One of these being THE GREAT ALMIGHTY JOHN WINSTON LENNON OF LIDDYPOOL. But , and thank god it didn't, that never happened. And so John Lennon remained safe at home and on his Bed-Ins with Yoko continued to be an advocate of peace. As for Charlie, we hope never to hear from him again......

"what the...." paul looked up from his fan letters. (they had, by some miraculously miraculous miracle escaped the lighting bolt and were now sitting in Paul's house in St. John's Wood) "The ALMIGHTY JOHN LENNON?? i don't THINK so!" paul said. "what?" john asked. "read this" paul handed him the letter. when john had finished reading it, he said "fans are getting weirder and weirder eight days a week!" paul nodded. just then Jane came in carrying so many groceries, she couldn't see where she was going. "Paul? i'm home!" she yelled. she didn't realize Paul and John were already standing right in front of her, so she ran straight into John. the groceries went flying, and she fell on top of john. "oh" john said. "HEY!!!" paul yelled "that's MY job! get her off of you, john!" and paul started to... (CONTINUE!!!)

...throw a tantrum!!! He flung himself on the floor and started wailing and kicking his feet. "Shhhh, shhhhh, calm down!!" Jane said and she hurriedly stuck a pacifier in his mouth. He calmed down a little but continued to stare at them sulkily. "Um, maybe I should go," said John, edging towards the doorway.

"no, no, don't be silly!" Jane said. but then Paul started wailing again. John was just about to leave, when Cynthia walked in the door. she barely had time to say "hi" before Paul was all over her. "what's going on??" she said as paul threw her on the couch with him. "what the hell are yo doing, Macca!" john yelled. "now you know how it feels" paul said sulkily, continuing to smooch with Cyn. this time it was John's turn to throw a tantrum. He began to... (continue!!)

He begane to eat cheese he'd be sick every night because he ate so much!

After a few weeks of eating cheese John got really sick and decided that him and the other Beatles ( they all agreed ) to go into the business of ... PIE-MAKING! So they started a company called Beatle Pies ( For Sale ) and started making Honey Pies and cherry pies and all sorts of pies, they soon realized it was boring. " Hey, George! " " What Paul? " " Lets me hear! " Ringo called jumping over a pile of cranberry/lemon pies to join them. " Wait for me! " John yelled and came running. " Allright, now that were all here- " " Get on with it! " John said. " Fine. I'm right bored here making pies, I think we should go back into music. We've made over a millon flavors, you can't make more than that! There's nothing left for us to do! " " Well, I like makin' pies, I'm staying here! " Ringo declared and went back to pie making. " We'll come with you, " George and John said. " What about Ringo? " " He's happy here, makin' pies! I say we leave 'im!" John said. " No, we can't do that. I say we just leave he'll follow, " Said George, the quiet one. " Right! " So the 3 Beatles left the pie-making industry and began walking down the street, Ringo soon joined them. " I've got a great idea for a song, it goes like- " " Wot's that! " John yelled pointing to a beam of light, moving toward the Beatles. " Help! " Paul yelled, then the world went black. The Beatles found themselves oddly placed between the earth and the sky. Floating in the air. " Hi Lucy! " Geogre called, looking at the girl with diamonds. " What's happining? " Ringo said. " I think we're trapped, in the air! " " That's impossible John. " " No it isn't you just have to imagine. " They floated over to London, then back to Liverpool. " I do belive we can't be seen! " Paul cried as they floated right through a building, " No one notices the Beatles! " " Not anymore anyway, " " Shut up George, " John said " We need action. " " How that possible? " Ringo said. The conversation continued on and on until the Beatles saw something horrific!!!!!! Playing in the Cavern Club was. . . . . themselves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! " We took our place! See? Them, instead of we are going to change rock n' roll! " " Stop talking nonsense Paul, let's watch 'im. " The original Beatles all watched John2, George2, Ringo2, and Paul2, play all the songs that they had played, it was a wierd experience. After the show the Beatles were walking along a street when Ringo found a control button thing! " What's that? " George asked. " I don't know, but looky, it says 1961, that must be this year! " " Press that button, " John said and pointed to the only button on the thing. Ringo pressed it the date changed to 1967. " FAB!!! " George exclaimed and pressed the button again, it came up 1967 again, " Maybe we need to see what's goin' on now 'fore we can change again. " John said. " Off we go! " Said Paul, the bossy one. They went to a record store and saw a record made by the Beatles! " It's called Abbey Lane, odd. " John said as they floatd through the store. They were walking down Penny Road when they saw the Beatles2. " John, look! There walkin' in the middle of the road! " Paul said. " Let's go closer and hear 'im talking. " Ringo decided and they carefully floated over the Beatles2 heads. " I'm sick of music, I want to be a teacher, " Ringo2 said. " I just want out of it, I don't care what I do " Paul2 said. " I want ta go ta india, " George2 said. " We only have one way out . " " I shall be a painter, " John2 said. " Hey! Here comes a bus! Get ready! " Paul2 said and the Beatles jumped onfront of the bus, it killed them all and the world was in mouring for a long time, since all the beatles were gone. " That was stiupid of them. " George said. " Totally, " Aggreed Ringo. The Beatles walked down the street and pressed the button, 1980. they were all in Liverpool still, John had just had his fortith birthday. " So Paul what do ya want to do tonight? " " How 'bout we record an album, " George suggested. " Good idea, we missed a good nineteen years of our life, lets get crackin! " Ringo said and they put out an album in a week called Us. It sold 400,000 copies and the Beatles became happy. But everyone thought they were imposters of something because in 1967 the real Beatles ( really the Beatles2, ) had died in a bus crash. The Beatles continued recording and on Dec 8, John WAS NOT shot, so the Beatles lived on and John lived on and changed the world forever!!!!!!!!!

"Hold on there!" Cried Lucy. "I was only showing you what it would be like if John hadn't met Yoko. All I'm saying is, John, do not marry Yoko, and do not meet her in her art show. I mean, if you want to die early, go ahead." All so suddenly Lucy disappeared and the Beatles landed on their butts in front of the Cavern Club. "You know George, John and Ringo, I've been thinking. I've seen our whole career, and there is one thing I don't like about it." complained Paul. "Pray tell..." encouraged John. "I don't like our suits. I say we wear tee shirts. I mean, you saw how the fans reacted to the movie Help. The absolutely loved our appearance in every day clothes." "Sounds good. Jeans too, right? I think we shall keep the hairdoos, I don't like the hippie look." George admitted. "Agreed?" Said John. "Yeah!" shouted everyone.

but they told Brian about the plan to wear t-shirts and he threw a tantrum. "oh, sod it" John said and he stormed off along with Paul. they went to...

Now, to rush the story. It is December 8, 1980. From the entree in John Lennon's diary. 10:00: I step out of the time machine (see ch.3), only to see Mark Chapman try to shoot me. Now, I must stop him.. If only the child prodigy (Ricky Sabella) left his lightsabre in this capsule... He saw me and thought I was the future me. He shoots. I avoid the bullet, just barely... I punch him out and put blanks in gun. I did this to set myself for life... Of course, It would fake my own death, and get me out of public spotlight.. So I can start my life-long dream.... TO BE A PRO-WRESTLER!!! I shall become Sting, a great wrestler, from the WCW. I tell my future self of this plan... We agree. I mean, I agree! So I emerge into the light of the time-machine, that is, after shopping in the future, and go home....

He went to his childhood house. Aunt Mimi invited him in while she served tea to Bungalow Bill and Lucy (in the sky with diamonds).John got bored of entertaining the guests, so he decided to go visit Ringo in his yellow submarine, but it turned out that Ringo was really Mark Chapman in disguise.(Mark Chapman had come, equiped with a gun, to shoot off the legs of his rival). Mark Chapman was about to shoot John when suddenly, Aunt Mimi jumped out in front of John with her bulletproof kevlar vest. John thanked Mimi, then went on the roof of Abbey Road Studios and sang a bunch of songs with the other three Beatles.

but just as they were getting into a really funky jam of "Let It Be" Linda walked up to Paul and said... (CONTINUE!!)

"...Hey! Why don't we do it in the road, like you said. It sounds kinda kinky." So Paul says, "Sorry guys you'll have to go on without me." So while Paul and linda were getting it on, Ringo decided they'd better call Billy Shears to take Paul's place. ('cause he was a pretty good singer himself you know.) "let me introduce you to the one and only Billy Shears!" sings Geaorge.(Paul wasn't there, remember?) "Hello, Billy!" says John, to billy. (who was really Mary in disguise.) So Mary took off her disguise. (John liked that.) Then she & John joined the Orgi in the middle of the road. (continue)

Ringo ate a pie and at the end of the day everybody said goodnight, sleep tight, they were so full of savoy truffles.

anyway, back to the orgy... everyone was really getting into it, when who would appear5, but...

Mark Chapman who interrupted George and Nicole2 . George got up, shot MDC and got back to Business....

Yoko Ono. She flew in on a broom, and cackled. John glared at this disgrace of a woman and sneered. " What do you want?" He asked. An evil grin spread across her face. " Well Johnny, I hired Mr. Chpman to shoot you, but sinse my plan failed, I'll have to do it my self. All the other Beatles froze, Yoko the evil witch had cast a spell on them with her vodoo. John stood in the middle of the room, it was just him and Yoko. She lunged for him, a knife in her icy grip. John flung a chair at her, and she fell to the ground, unconscious. John stood over her, and then he noticed something. Yoko, had on a mask. He pulled it off, and who should Yoko be all this time but the gay Brian Epstien. " Scum!!!" John shouted as he began to kick the lifeless. Paul, George, and Ringo began to come to, and all helped John kill Brian. Once he was dead, the fab four decided they would have to do away with the body. So they decided too...

chop it up and sell it in hot dogs. They opened a hot dog business, and they raked in heaps of cash, which, since being very rich, didn't need. "That was fun," said John, "now lets find the real Yoko."

Meanwhile, Marilyn Manson appeared...

Now the Beatles are walking down Penny lane, looking for Yoko. Marilyn Manson suddlenly appears with the devil. "You shall come with me!" screamed Manson. "over our bloody bodies!" yelled John. "that can be arranged..." the devil said. But John didn't give them the chance! He casted Apocolypse on Manson, obliterating him,scaring the Devil away. "well, I guess we got rid of him..."

"Well, maybe not." said Paul as Marlyn Manson recovered. (though the devil was gone by then.) "Fook you!" yelled John. "That can be arranged." said Manson. "Geeze!" says George. "You're as bad as Brian was. Maybe worse." Then suddenly Yoko came back and . . .

They had an ORGI!

Yes, all except Nicole2 and George were meditating, they had finished they're part

A little while later the Beatles were sitting beside the road, watching the cars go by. " So, Ringo where do ya want to go for our next vacation? " Paul asked. " Let's try Canada, we've never been there. " John said. Paul replied " Where's Canada? " " Above the United States. " " oh " George had arrived and he thought it would be a good idea to go to Canada. So the Beatles left thier wives ( which was what they had been planning to since chapter 5 ) got on a plane and went to Canada, to Winnipeg, Manitoba. It was there they found . . .

a paralell universe! You see, they had actually been sucked into the future by some sort of temporal distortion, and they had ended up on United Federation of Plantes space station Deep Space 9. The crew of the station was very curious as to how they had gotten there, but they were very nice, as well (actually, they had to be nice- they get paid to). The first thing that happened when they got there was they were sent to the infirmary, just to make sure that the four of them were physically and mentally stable. The doctor in the infirmary was a very nice young man by the name of Julian Bashir. When Paul met him, he actually got quite jealous, because Julian Bashir was a very handsome young man as well, and the resident hunk on the station. Paul eventually became sooo jealous, that he picked up a surgical instrument and tried to kill poor Julian with it, who obviously had no idea why anyone would want to do that. In return, Julian knocked the scalpal out of Paul's hand, and forced him to sit down on one of the medical benches, also calling station security. Then Odo, the security chief with a bad attitude came rushing in with a few guards and...

ate a large pile of Gak. Which makes absolutely no sense, because gak isn't Beatle-proof. But then, do you often find things that are Beatle proof? A Nice Old Man wanders into the story and wonders why he is here. A Hannah walks up behind the nice old man and spits a pile of fountain pens on his feet. (What is a Hannah? A white hole. Black holes suck up things, white holes spit them out.) "Hey," cried George. "I love fountain pens!" Thousands of Beatles fans, and Oasis fans, and Kula Shaker fans, and ceiling fans, rush out to the stores to buy fountain pens because George claimed that he liked them. Then allofasudden . . . .

George noticed that all the pens were out of ink. "Fook!" he said. "None of these pens have ink in them."

Ringo (the weird one) makes the dramatic decision to have plastic surgery for is nose. "GASP!!" gasps the band at this startling revelation. "Ringo!" exclaims John, "This is worse than that time you were dating the self-sacrificing musician who hated country music! "I’ve got to do it lads!" cried the oddly named idle of millions (okay, about 20), "I have to prove that if I can’t act or sing, than at least I can…er…um…have an average nose!" "You can beat a good drum, that’s all that matters to us," said John reluctantly. "We’ve got to do something!" Paul (the cute one) yelled to John (the leader). "Don’t worry lads, we’ll figure something out!" said John. George (the normally (but not in this case) quiet one) stood up and said, "This looks like a job for the BEATLE DOME!!" Quickly, John, Paul, and George leaped into the secret transport tube that would carry them to the BEATLE DOME, the Beatles’ place of privacy, self evaluation, general craziness, and clever Beatle-Schemes! As the three emerged from the tube (now endowed in there Sgt. Pepper uniforms) they sat down in there ever-entertaining rolly office chairs that Ringo had got at a yard sale (John’s being the largest, after all, he was the leader.) "We can’t let "Ring" change his nose," said Paul (the dead one), "it’s part of Beatle History!!" "We’ll have to think of something." After 4 hours, 3 pizzas, and one yellow submarine sandwich, John stood up suddenly causing Paul to choke on his "Fresca". "What is it?" asked Paul. "I’ve got it!" replied John, "We’ll write him a song!!" The whole group agreed that writing a song was quite a new and exciting idea for the Beatles (well, perhaps not-) and they supported John’s plan and got to work. Paul wanted to treat Ringo to a heart-felt ballad about the time he was accidentally given a shot of shrinking potion and had to daringly navigate under a coffee table with only his wits and a gum-wrapper to survive ! John (the cynical one), however, quickly shot down this idea in favor of an educational song about eating your veggies called "Give Peas a Chance". This resulted in a large bar brawl where upon the BEATLE DOME was made a mess of, and George wouldn’t budge until they both apologized and cleaned the place up. Finally, though, the old Beatle Magic was restored and they turned out a pretty great song (except for the fact that they didn’t have any drums so they started banging pots together and realized just how tough a job Ringo actually had!) Suddenly (or gradually if you prefer), John’s electronic wrist watch alarm went off. "Uh-Oh!!" he cried, "It’s time for Ringo’s appointment!! In a flash of beard stubble and florescent orange, the Beatles ran down the street to the plastic surgeon’s office, with crowds of women and narcotics detectives in pursuit. They came to the receptionist’s desk. "We need to see a Richard Starkey!!" cried Paul. "It’s urgent!" added John. "’HUFF’, ‘HUFF’, ‘BREATH’, ‘GASP’" remarked George who had become a bit winded on the way. "Sorry, boys," said the receptionist amazingly undaunted by talking with the Beatles, "he’s already with the doctor, and-" John (leading) didn’t wait for her to finish, they ran down the corridor until John stopped abruptly knock Paul, George, the receptionist (who had ran after them), and a groupie head over heels. "It’s Ringo!" exclaimed John recognizing the back of their drummer’s mop-topped head. "Come on, lads!" said John. Pail immediately yelled, "1, 2, 3, 5!!" and the Beatles (3 of them) broke into song. (Sung to the tune of A Little Help From My Friends) "What would you do if I lived in the zoo, would you stand up and talk about me!" (Sung to some weird tune) "Oh, Ringo! We like your nose, oh yeah!!!" (Sung to the tune of Honey Pie) Ringo, Guy! You are making me giddy! Oh your nose is so pretty! So won’t you bring it home!" (Sung to the tune of Yesterday) "Ringo’s nose……I like it much better than Ringo’s toes!" "Drum Solo!!" yelled Paul, immediately realizing that they didn’t have a drummer. "Big finish!!" cried John. YADDA, YADDA, YADDA, YADDA, YADDA ,YADDA, YUDDA, YUDDA, DUMM, DUMM, DEE!!! As the Beatles posed for the end of the song Ringo turned around from the place he was seated. "GASP!!!" gasped the group once again. "To late mates, I already had my surgery done! "Ringo, it’s---!!!" started Paul. "It’s---!!" struggled John. "IT’S EVEN BIGGER!!!!!" yelled George scaring people down the hall. "Sure," said Ringo his cucumber of a nose swaying, "I was telling you I wanted to get it fixed. What did you think? I wanted to get it smaller?! HA! I’ve always hated how small my nose was, but not anymore!" As the Fab Four walked home that night they contemplated the situation. Ringo’s nose hit people when he turned around, they’re new RINGO song hadn’t even made it to the top 4,450 on the charts, and the BEATLE DOME still had chips and pretzels strewn about it despite George’s prodding to clean it up. But they needn’t worry. No, as long as John (the leader) didn’t run off with some freaky Japanese avante guard artist who ruled his life and broke up the band, everything would be okay…………(PS: Apologies to Yoko)…………

Then out of nowhere Liam Gallagher returns sauntering arrogantly down the street with his better half Noel, at his side. " U know Ring," he begins, his thick mancunian drawl extremely evident" I've got just the thing for that nose problem". His evil sneer is ever present as he fishes through the big pockets of his duffel coat and finally retrieves a small baggie containing what looks to be powdered sugar. "We don't need none of that here, Galllagher!" Paul (the cute one) angrily warned. "U take them drugs and get on out of here, u hear?" he concluded. All 3 Beatles were in agreement but Ringo was desperate, he would have tried anything to help his nose. He contemplated the drugs for a moment and finally came to a conclusion. "How do u know for sure that them there drugs aren't gpoing to kill me?" he innocently asked. Liam shrugged "Well they never killed me yet, I don't reckon they'd kill u, eh? Just take a snort,mate!" he chided. "Yeah, Ring, all your dreams are made when ypur chained to the mirror and the razorblade, come on take a bit!" Noel(the older one) suggests.

Ringo made a noble Desision. "NO!" He screamed and ran home to his wife, annie, (or abbie) Meanwhile, George went back to Nicole2 and the other two went back to the loving arms of their wives. George and nicole were (continue)

Were on their delightful way home.. But suddenly....... The Knights of NI cursed Nicole2, which soon after was paralyzed by the curse, of which, being NI. From that day on you can find her in Strawberry Fields because, as we know, none of this is real. Jude comes along and mourns the loss of Nicole2. "Fear not!", Jude exclaimed,"I am here now, George!" So they both went hand in hand for some LSD, NO!, I mean an all you can eat veggie bar...... (Please don't abuse me! I didn't mean it! Well, not some of it, anyway:)

While George and Nicole went off to the "veggie bar" Miss Blule Jay Way caught Paul eyeing her. "Would you like to joing me?" Paul asked her holding out his arm. "yes!" MBJW said. Off they went to Myrtle Beach for a week of fun-in-the-sun far away from Yoko!

But little did they know, Yoko had taken a flight to Myrtle Beach earlier in the evening for a vacation. "GASP!" gasped Paul when he saw her sitting on a blanket on the sand. "Oh, great," said George who had tagged along. "Oh, well. Come on Nicole, let's go to Vegas & get married again." So off they went. Meanwhile, Paul was still in shock from seeing Yoko, when John came along with Slurpies for Yoko and himself. (They were cherry if you wanted to know.) "Well, hello there, Paul!" says John, noticing him with his jaw hanging to the ground. "You're chin's getting dirty," he commented when he got closer.

" I am quite aware that my chin is getting dirty. Maybe I LIKE dirt on my chin. Ever thiink of that?" "yes, "John said. "But I did not assume you liked eating sand." "Well" said Paul, trying deperatelty to roll up his chin, "only in the summertime." "Ah" said John. " In that case, get the hell out of my way so I can give this slurpie to Yoko." Paul stepped aside. Just then, George came back with Mary ( or was her name Nicole? ) In any case, he came back with Laura, whom he had just married. " Fellas" said George" Meet the wife! " John was just about to shake hands with the nice lady when Ringo came out of a bush and started taking "Candid camera" shots. " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" said Paul! "My chin is still on the ground! " ( to be continued.....)

It took a while to sort things out, when they did Paul's chin was back in place and so was Ringo's nose ( a giant goldfish shark came and bit it off. The Beatles then went to a resturant in Egypt. George ordered nothing he was fasting, same with Ringo. John ordered instant water ( it was water crystals, and you added water for the instant water ), Paul ordered curdled camel's milk. " What????? " He said when he noticed everyone in te place was staring at him. " It makes my hair shiny and gives me a good complexion!!!!! " As soon as the glass of chunky, blue, ( milk? ) ws done, his skin turned green and his hair fell out!!! " I like you this way Paul! " Ringo said, " Very sophicated!! " " Let's go, " said John and they all went to . . . . . .

Paul started rolling up his chin, and without success. "Ha," laughed George. His wife slapped him for being fresh. George kissed her because she slapped him. Paul cried because he couldn't roll up his chin. Ringo kept taking pictures. John turned around to watch, and Yoko was yelling, "Where's my slurpie?" At last, Mary came and helped Paul roll up his chin. Then he was so happy he kissed her! By then John had brought Yoko her slurpie so she kissed him. Ringo kept taking picures but began to feel left out, so he grabbed the nearest girl on the beach and kissed her. "Get off of me you horney bastard!" she yelled. Then noticing who it was she smiled and .....

It turns out that laura had cast a wicked spell on george and secretly slipped him Love Potion. Once it wore off he got married (again) to Nicole who chained George to her while they (CONTINUE)

the rest of the Beatles got into a time machine and went to the spot where John and yoko meet to stop this terible act

yeah, so the Beatles all get out of the time machine at (where else but) the INDICA gallery. "hmmm, that looks neat guys, let's go in to see the art show" John said "NOOOOO!!!!!!" the other three Beatles screamed "what's wrong with you?" John said looking at them weirdly."uh, nothing" Paul said, thinking fast "we just thought you'd rather come with us to an...." "ORGY!" ringo added. "an orgi?" John asked " i'm tempted, but this art thing looks really cool" paul looked at John weird "WHAT?? you're not going to an ORGY because of an ART SHOW?!?!?! have you gone mad?" no, it just looks cool. and with that, John headed towards the Indica Gallery door and Yoko (noooo!!!!)..... (CONTINUE!!)

And then John, Paul, Ringo and george all fell in love with Julia, ocean child. She was a beautiful girl who was really searching for her long lost love. But he had turned her down. She never thought she would have the chance of getting the Beatles for her own, but they loved her. 'Now I can show little Billy boy!' They all lived happily ever after with the walrus in a yellow submarine in the sea of green under the sea of green. The end.

The group decides to follow jhn the the art show regardless of their prior plans with greater expectations. The art show turned out to be a cover for a huge illegal porn show. Paul sreams "WOOOO HOOO!!" The porn show did not even include adults. It had Minnie Mouse in an extremely comprimising position with Santa Claus. Goofy was blowing Pluto and the smurfs took turns eating out smurfette. "What fun!" yelled Yoko with orgasmic gusts escaping from her bosom. Ringo remebering his childhood began to cry but his sobs were stopped with a deep pasionate kiss from jessica rabit. Ringo overcome with lust finds a way to escape her booby traps. Then all of the sudden Brad Pitt pops out with an ink pen forbiding him to have sex with toons. Ringo who thinks with his Mr. Winky decides to shove the ink pen up Brab Pitt'S ass. He then takes Jessica and have deep intense passionate patty cake for hours while Yoko watches with her favorite vibrator. Poor poor Roger takes a pair of Ringo's symbols and in the heat of passion bangs them together causing Ringo to never be able to play patty cake again.

Then, Jonny's mommy bursts ina nd says" Stop this right his instant!!You ar e late for your sdinner of peanut buteer and slobber." She sends home the smurfs and she tells smurfette to go douche. Jessica Rabbit and Roger go home, then the next day Jess is pregnant (you kbnow what THAT means!!!!) Julia then tells everyone that it is time to eat your sandwiches quickly and go to sleep. When everyone falllls asleep, Julia starts dancing the twist, while Lucy (who was cleaning her diamonds) watches nervously. John then comes home from who knows where. He stars dancing the twist. Everyone starts dancing,. Then they cant stop!!! They go out into the road and start dancing int he street others join them. No one can stop!!!! Finally, the entire world becomes full of dancing isiots. Everyone twists nto each other, There are accidents all over the place. Mickey Mouse tells themto stop or he'll sue them fo emotional damage (mikey hates to dnce!!) They all get sued for 23 octillion dollars, which ringo pays mickey. Then someone trips of in the distance and everyone stpops dancing. Someone turned of the music. They no longer have to be dancing idiots

"Hurray!" shouts everybody. "Hey! Who turned off the music?" some idiot asks. Nobody knew. Finaly, the LSD wore off and the Beatles stopped seeing cartoons. "So who was it I was playing patty-cake with?" Ringo wants to know. "Good question," says John, "but we'll never know. Hey Paul, where's that orgi you were talking about? Is that still on?" "Sure!" replies Paul. "Oh, good!" says George. "This was getting boring." So the Beatles went off and had their orgi with Mary, Julia, Nicole, Annie, and unfortunatly, Yoko. So as it continued.....

SOME PEOPLE ARE REALLY SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can we please have get back to the nice, normal, happy Beatles!!!!!

Will do!!! So John, Paul, George, Ringo, Maureen, Patti, Linda, and Yoko all went to India to see the Maharishi. They had had a rough time through their life (this story) and wanted inner peace. But the Blue Meanies showed up and kidnapped the Maharishi. "We can't get our inner peace without the Maharishi!" cried George, who knew just about everything about India. "Then we must find him!" yelled Ringo, and they went off to find him and his kidnappers. They searched and searched and searched but Maharishi and the Blue Meanies were nowhere to be found. "This trip was a waste of time" said Paul, who really didn't believe in this inner peace mumbo-jumbo. So he went home with Linda. The rest of the Beatles and their wives were determined, however. They split up into pairs to look for him.

But, since Paul had been with Celine for some time, he thought better of it and instead thought he would torture not Celine Dion, but Alanis Morrisette! After all, after she beat the Beatles out of an American Music Award, he HAD to defend his ego and get some booty-kickin' revenge. So he called up Paul and said: "Hey Paulie, wanna torture whats-her-name....ummmm...hold on....." "John," said Paul..."Are you tripping out again or something? You don't even know this womans NAME?" "yes I do" replied John. "Her name is Alanis Where-you-at or something." "Oh her." said Paul. "Sure" he continued. " I'm not doing anything this weekend anyway." " Okay" said John. "Meet me at the corner of Penny Lane and Strawberry Fields and try to bring Ringo, if you can get ahold of him. Forget George. He's in India being a vegetarian with Maharishi. Being a vegetraian sucks." "Hey" said Paul " I like it. Linda makes tthe best Veggie Burgers. Anyway, see you there, la. "Right, la. It's the gear, baby" said John. "Why do still talk like that?" said Paul "because the public wants us to." said John. "oh. Okay. Just wondering" said Paul. "Bye!" "Bye!" And as they both hung up, they finally knew what their TRUE purpose in life was..........

They decided on six places to go to search for Maharishi: The Taj Mahal, along the Vaigai River, the Corporation of Madras Building, the tomb of Ghandi, the zodiac ceiling, and somplace that everyone knew was there but didn't know where or what it was. These all seemed like logical places, but who knows why. So they went their separate ways.

Super Noel, protector of all that is Rock N' Roll, hears a scream!The scream of Gavin Rossdale!AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!Gavin has been captured by the Evil KEITH SWEAT!!!Oh, that horrible man, has concocted an evil plan to take over the world by subjecting the planet to HIS MUSIC!GASP!!!Noel flys down to where Gavin is bound and trys to free him. SUDDENELY, Keith puts on a pair of ear plugs and pulls a lever..."You got me twisted..." AAAAAHHH!!!Noel screams in pain, and agony!"Must call others...J...Joh...JOHN!!!" John Lennon appears and.........

magically transports his magical grand white Steinway piano and sits down . . . then he realizes that there is no piano bench and magically transports that as well. He begins to play Imagine, but Noel takes it as Don't Look Back in Anger and begins to sing that as John's music overpowers that of the dasterdly villian Keath Sweat. "Nooooo!" cries Keith. "I'm melting, I'm melting!" The combined powers of Gallagher and Lennon save the Universe once again from the clutches of evil R&B. "Oh thank you!" Gavin gushes, tears of joy streaming down his cheeks. John unties his wrists while Noel unties his feet. "It was nothing," declares Noel heroically. "Just another day in the life of Super Noel!" Extending a hand skyward, he rockets towards the sun. Unbeknownst to our heroes, an arm reaches out of the puddle of muck that was once the evil Keith Sweat and ...

Well, after all of the Fab Four's excitement, and because of Ringo's unhappy experiences with cars and his gigantic schnozz, The Beatles decided to go back to their old home on Penny Lane. They took a walk by the old school, and Paul remembered about all of those teachers who taught him weren't cool. John thought about his highschool sweetheart who had run away from home because she wanted to be free. While walking down the street, the four babalicious Beatles realized that not much had changed. The barber was still there. Ringo noticed photographs on the walls. He asked the barber who they were of. "Why I show photographs of every head I've had the pleasure to have known". "I see", said Ringo absent- mindedly. He thought to himself, "I really need to fix the hole where the rain gets in, and stops my mind from wandering". They Beatles decided to go up north, where it doesn't matter what chords they play, or what words they say or even the time of day! They didn't know which way was was north, though, so they stopped at a firestation to ask. There they found a fireman polishing his firetruck. They asked for directions, and the fireman preoduuced from his posket a wallet, and began shuffling through it for a map. George noticed a picture of the queen in the wallet. The Beatles found their way north, thanks to the fireman. On the way though, the saw a field full of strawberries! It seemed to go on forever. There they saw a picnic. JOhn wanted to stop and have some strawberries, for he was hungry. At the picnic, George, once again, very observantly, spotted a bulldog. "Hey Bulldog" George cried out. It turned out that the dog belonged to a metermaid named Rita. The Beatles and Rita and the bulldog spent happy hours at the picnic They played Hide and seek. George was it, and he closed his eyes shut tight. "George, why are your eyes closed", questioned John. "Living is easy with eyes closed" George replied with a shrug. A reporter was standing nearby, and having heard this extroardinary quote focusing on the problems of the world , she offered George 36hundred dollars to publish the quote in TIME. "Oh come now."George said", bewildered. "It's all too much". George left Strawberry Fields with his buddies then, and soon they reached a grove of citrus fruits. "Hey", Ringo called, whipping out his travel guide, "don't citrus fruits grow in the south?" "Well, my friens, you are certainly proficient in growing conditions of citrus fruit." John said, clapping Ringo on the back. "No, I MEAN, SHOULDN'T WE BE GOING NORTH?????????" Ringo shouted over the Beatles chatter. "He's right" Paul exclaimed. We'll never get north now!!!!" Just then, a yellow submarine appeared and carried the Beatles back to their home. John was happy, and declared that all he wanted to do was read the newspaper. And he did! He read about a lucky man who made the grade, and about holes in Blackburn Lancashire. Paul went to the zoo. He went to the walrus cage, and suddenly the words"I am the Walrus" spurted out of his mouth. Paul was quite frightened, for he didn't want to be a walrus, and went to the penguins. All of the penguins seemed to be singing Harekrishna! Paul decided that the strawberries were contaminated, and went back home and slept for three days. Ringo used his time to have a nose job, and those pesky car problems cleared right up. George studied his "inner indian" and decided to travel to L.A., but it was quite foggy there, especially at Blue Jay Way. He got lost, and fell asleep waiting for Ringo.

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Last updated on May 14, 1998